have you ever felt so smart
and yet so stupid
at the same time?
like, there are moments where ill find myself sitting out under an overcast sky,
staring at the clouds, headspace neither half empty
nor half full,
mind racing,
thinking about everything
and nothing at all.
you see, generally i think i'm a deep person; i've had people tell me so.
but the thing is,
its hard to be deep and have social anxiety at the same time.
its like an unbalanced pendulum,
one side heavier than the other.
i want to talk to someone about anything really; goals, aliens, life, the universe, hell, even interdimensional time travel.
but the anxiety is like a constant flashing red sign,
telling me how stupid i sound, "theyre gonna walk away, i should stop," or how embarassing what i'm saying is,
so i just end up
keeping quiet.
when all i wanna do is talk,
i have no words.
everything falls out of place and i let the anxiety take over.
so being a deep person with so much to say, and not being able to say it because your mind is against it all?
it sucks.
i feel like i won't have any great memories to come back to someday,
when i need something to think about i feel as though my head will always be blank.
those times when i stare into space, will everything always be black?
will i always have to wear this mask, this perfect poker face?
please, let me speak.
let me live,
before its too late.
YOU ARE READING
"Dear Past Me, I'm Sorry.."
Random...for failing you. Just a bunch of poems and quotes, some are mine some aren't. I'll lyk which is which (tw: contains depictions of suicide and depression.)
