Sarawat Chivaree seems to have it all - a CEO engaged to one of the most famous socialites of Thailand. While Tine Iamkajorn is down on his luck, needing to pull his act together before his family can seize control of his life.
Worlds apart. Nothin...
Okay enough is fucking enough. Where the hell is the real Sarawat? Who is this weepy alien impostor in front of me?
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Praya claps her hands loudly in front of Sarawat's face. This startles him to attention.
"Welcome back to Earth."
Sarawat glances at her warily but remains silent.
Praya sighs. "If you aren't in the mood to go over the Hansall takeover, then let's reschedule."
Sarawat shrugs. "Let's do what you think is best."
Praya groans in defeat. "Sarawat! What the fuck is wrong with you? Since when do you leave mergers to anyone else's discretion?"
"I have a lot on my mind."
Praya rolls her eyes. "Let's cut the crap. You have Tine on your mind."
Sarawat doesn't even try to deny it. He simply massages his forehead.
"Once again, I apologize for suddenly suggesting that we cut your fake engagement short. I should have read the room. However, this" - she gestures to the entirety of Sarawat - "doesn't feel like it's being caused by awkwardness due to my suggestion."
Sarawat remains quiet.
Praya decides it's time to discard her usual penchant for snark. As much as she hated talking about feelings, she knew that's precisely what Sarawat needed right now.
Let's see if she can pull a miracle and get him to open up.
"You like him don't you?"
"He is very attractive."
"Do you think I believe that you have been zoning out for days purely because he looks good?"
Sarawat starts to fidget. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"The truth, cousin. What's bothering you?"
"Praya, we don't have to do this."
"We do." She stands up and walks to the rows of cabinets at the back of Sarawat's office. She opens one, revealing it to be a small wine cooler. She pulls out a bottle. "Where are your glasses?"
"Praya."
"Glasses Sarawat."
Soon, the two of them were quietly drinking white wine, sharing a pack of peanuts and candy that Praya found in her bag.
As Praya pours herself a third glass, she takes a deep breath. Perhaps she should talk first.
"You know Fong, right?," she asks, swirling the Sauvignon Blanc.
"That kid who's been asking you out every day for the past decade? How could I not know him?"
"Not a kid! And not every day!"
"Does this have a point?"
Praya glares at Sarawat but she relents. "I have never told this to anyone. But I think I love him. Scratch that, I am pretty sure I do."
"Why are you making this sound like a problem? Go out with him then."
"Ah really? It's that easy? Why are you moping around then? Go out with Tine!"
"You know he loves you. And you know you love him. How is this comparable to what I am going through?"
"Maybe if you listen. You'd find out."
Sarawat raises a palm in apology.
"Fong used to tell me every chance he gets that he likes me. He does more that say it. He shows it. He gives me every reason to believe him.
But I don't." Praya refills her glass again, she feels her eyes fill with tears.
She takes a sip of the wine and continues. "I am very confident. I know what I am capable of and what power my name holds. But that confidence disappears once it's about who I am beyond my skill set. I don't think I am lovable, Sarawat. I don't think anyone who gets to know the real me can truly love me.
I am brash. I am married to my work. I come with all the complications of being a Chivaree. Plus there's my gender..."
"Praya, of course you're lovable -"
"Shut up and let me finish. My point is, I keep rejecting all the very blatant signs that Fong loves me. I am so scared that it cannot be true, scared that if I believe him I'd just get hurt that I have been hurting myself for years."
Praya takes her cousins hands in hers. "Wat, you love him."
"I- "
"Don't fight me on this. You know I am right. And I think he loves you too."
"He's been avoiding me, Praya. He can't even look at me anymore."
"Haven't you listened to anything I have said? Sometimes, we don't believe we are worthy of love. Tell him he's worthy. Make him believe."
"But am I worthy?"
"You are, Sarawat."
"What if money is all that I-"
Praya slams her hand on the desk. "You are worthy goddamnit!"
A beat of silence.
"How come you're pushing me to profess my love when you haven't?," Sarawat asks as he nibbles on a candy.
Praya gives him a tired smile. "What if he does not know how hard it really is to love me, Wat? What if he's not ready for all the judgement we're going to get?"
"He's been courting you for 10 years, Praya. Give the man some credit."
Praya hurriedly wipes her tears away. "You go first. You know, I'll always follow your lead."
Sarawat twists his engagement ring nervously. "Can I really do this?"
"Do you love him?"
Sarawat glances at Praya. Then he glances back down at his ring. He couldn't see himself ever taking it off. "I love him," he whispers.
"Tell him, Sarawat."
A silence fills the room. The two cousins continue to drink in silence.
Finally, Sarawat stands up. He squeezes Praya's shoulder before heading out the door.
