No Authority [Alexis McMahon]

[37]- Pathetic

//Alex//

I walk backstage avoiding eye contact with everyone. I don't even think they noticed me walk by, not like I cared though. The adrenaline wearing off and my senses coming back into play.

His face plaguing my mind, even when I went the darkest spot of the arena.

Everything was like it was in slow motion and all the memories that I buried, everything I hid, everything I abandoned at the corner of my mind came rushing back.

Flashes of when I first saw him.

I sat down in the stands of the football field, I pulled out my homework and decided to start on those while I wait for grams to come pick me up. I could walk home but I wasn't used to the roads yet and mom and dad didn't wanna risk it.

The coach on the field yelling at the players to continue, push on while also degrading them. It didn't make any sense at all but it was their dynamic.

They lined the field taking their position. Shouting the words to start and all start moving.

Eventually the ball is thrown across the field and number 34 Davis catches it on the other side. His helmet positioned on his head firmly and he dodges the 3 that tried tackling him before reaching to the other side.

"Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Woahh!" His friend cheers.

He rips off the helmet and puts his hands up in glee. His team mates cheering for him while coach claps.

I sit up looking at the boy who soaks up all the attention loving it all, his bright beaming smile as his teammates slap him on the back cheering for him. The cheerleaders that were practicing shouted some cheers his way, a few winking lustfully at him and blowing kisses.

Eventually his eyes lands on me, he shoots me a cocky grin, making me look down with a slight blush. When I look back up he was talking to his coach.

It's a bit of a cliché, well alot of a cliché but back then it was the first attention I ever got from a guy. I had no one, no friends, nobody to talk to, my cousins when to different schools, and my sisters weren't even in school yet.

I lean on the wall outside the arena the slight cheers of the crowd who was watching someone else they loved out there. It would be pitch black if the light from the garage but as bright. But it was fine the lighting is the least of my problems.

He just couldn't go away, he couldn't leave me alone. After 2 years he just can't seem to leave.

If you had asked me if I wanted him gone 2 years ago I'd tell you no and that I wanted to marry him, but that's stupid and it's also young 'love' it wasn't real.

"So after everything we've been through together, you don't even feel an ounce of regret for what you did to me?" I ask, tears running down my face as I stand inside his house.

He was upstairs with his new girl when I came banging on the door.

"I love you, I love you so much, I'd fucking kill for you and this is what you do to me?" I choke out. "You promised me this was forever."

"Alex, that wasn't real, love isn't real! What we had was fun, it was great but you got to move on." He sighs.

"You used me."