| Solace |

1|Bittersweet|

—T E J A S S W I—

I wish I could explain how I am feeling right now, I never wanted to experience two things again and that was a broken heart and deep love.

but seeing Karan again, sitting right beside me with that extremely handsome face and those beautiful enchanting eyes that I fell in love with, I never expressed it but I did loved him or actually I still do but I am so scared to even accept the fact that I am still not over him.

Even after all the agony, misunderstanding and allegations I still can't help but think about him, about us, I still can't help but wonder what or who went wrong.

My heart aches, I can't breathe, think, walk, do anything, my mind just goes foggy when I think about how we used to be and how everything got ruined in mere period of time. He used to make me smile in a way no one else ever did but after that task everything became so bitter between us that I was't even able to respect the person he was anymore.

I never hated him though or to be more precise I can never make myself hate him.

I couldn't get him off my mind. Everything reminded me of him and he consumed my thoughts. I tried so hard to get over him but I just couldn't because I would rather have him in my life and be hurting then not have him in my life at all. The worst part is knowing that after he's hurt me so many times, I would still give myself to him in a heartbeat, all he would have to do is ask.

but he never did.

But seeing him again after almost six months I can't help but wonder how he's been all this while, was he okay, was he hurting too, was he regretting like me thinking about how we could have mended our relationship which wasn't even there.

This is so stupid.

His eyes were wide with surprise or more like shock, he didn't expected me to be here and neither did I.

This seems so unreal and unconvincing, I left my house today with so much hope that I was going to start a new project and I would get busy with it and would not have the time to think about anything else.

but I guess fate is playing a cruel joke with me which isn't even a tad bit hilarious to me.

neither of us make an effort to break the eye contact, his eyes are filled with so many different emotions and I can't point out a single one.

I don't know how to feel about all this, the memories from our last conversation started playing in my mind, we have shattered each other's heart up to an extreme extent that you can't even resemble the pieces now or it will hurt you even more, we stabbed each other with just our nasty and malicious words, that it is so upsetting and shameful that we can't even take it back. I don't know if I ever meant to harm him but the words that I and he spat were enough for us to know that this has gone beyond repair.

The voice of people present in the room took me out of my daze as I snapped back my eyes from him and looked down at my lap at my fiddling fingers. I am nervous and on the verge of spilling out my tears, I decided months back that it was now over for good and it'll heal as the time will pass but boy I have never been this wrong in my entire twenty-eight years of existence.

I look towards the producers who are staring at our way their gazes shifting between Karan and me.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask directing my question towards Janhvi who is one of the producers and a very close friend of mine.

"Right now" I add as we both get up from our chairs and headed outside the room towards the corridor.

"What happened?" she questions calmly as if she doesn't know about the blunder she created.