| Solace |

2 |Dreadful memories|

—K A R A N—

I entered my apartment, changed my shoes and plopped down on the couch in the living room, I am exhausted both mentally and physically, it has been one hell of a day, Omi was still here talking with someone on the phone.

soon the phone call ended and he sat beside me looking at me skeptically.

"What happened? how was the meeting?" he asks.

"Don't even get me started about it" I groan while massaging my head.

"Don't tell me you created a blunder or worse did you beat someone up" he chuckles making me glare at his direction.

"It's not funny, I met lad- I mean Tejasswi" I say, It still feels odd to call her tejasswi.

"Wow" he exclaims.

"What's up with that expression?" I frown.

"Did you guys talked things out?" He asks hopefully and I narrated him our encounter and I watch his eyes going wide and him nodding in disapproval.

Not to mention that when I came out of bigg boss Omi gave me gaffe for not trying to resolve things with Tejasswi, he was clearly fond of her and precisely he loved us together, even my parents and siblings scolded me and than regret washed over me and at that point I realized how big of a duffer I was to let my ego control my actions and emotions, which led us to where we are today.

"I will really suggest you guys to talk things out, it will be better for you both and please bhai try to keep control over the things you say, you won't realize but your words might hurt the other person" Omi says as he gets up.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"I'm leaving, the food is ready, so eat it before you sleep" He says and leaves the apartment and I again get stuck with the wave of emotions.

I thought that my feelings for her would gradually wear out, that the hurt she caused, the heartbreak she gave me, everything she did to shatter my heart, I thought that after all the pain I endured, I would not think about her and give up on her.

But I was so wrong, she affected me like no one ever did, she filled colors in my monochrome life, she taught me how to feel happy in little things, how to be grateful and contended about what we have and most importantly how to love someone unconditionally and selflessly.

I was in love with her and I still am and I know I'll always be, I knew she was the one all along, I never gathered the courage to tell her that how much she meant to me, how much important she was and how necesarry her presence was and precisely how much I love her.

She had so much influence on me that every word she spoke had an authority over me, every fight of ours devastated me and her every gesture affected me. 

but that fight of ours was so ugly, that we ended up being strangers, the last month I saw her being cut-off from everyone, she was not the Tejasswi I was used to, she was changed completely and I didn't liked it. I used to thought that it was my fault but when I used to remember the repulsive things she said to me, the guilt vanished.

When she said that she wanted to take a break from us, it damaged me like anything else, my heart was shattered and it was beyond repair. The month that followed after the fight was nothing but suffocating and miserable. Whenever I used to see her sitting alone, I wanted to go to her, talk to her, embrace her, kiss her, but I was bounded and blinded by my ego and I still regret it.

I know that she caused me severe damage but I also wasn't a saint, I too said so many spiteful things that when I remember them I can't help but despise myself.

I wish that if at that point I would had kept aside my ego and talked to her, things would have been different and better but it's too late to even wish about things being sorted out between us because we have reached a certain point that I think from where we can't repair the damaged we caused one another.

The problem was that we never trusted each other enough and then their was so much left to say but we never did and kept it inside our heart and let the grudge deepen.

Today seeing her in the office after almost six months, I was stunned and somewhat grateful in the depth of my heart because these past months my mind was just clouded with the thoughts about her. I am still awestruck by her gorgeous face, I am still mesmerized by her beautiful smile and her contagious laugh.

I couldn't help but wonder about her well-being and most importantly I wasn't able to divert my eyes from her, after all this time she still manages to take my breath away.

It's so weird to think that we have been apart for more days than we have been together, I still miss her, I still miss us, but the thing is I can't do anything about it, I don't want to go through that miserable phase cause' I still can't forget the one I went through because of her.

I thought everything would be fine after some days that I'll eventually move on and it will be different outside, but I just feel empty and hurt, I miss her presence every singe day, maybe I do an absolute amazing job at reflecting as if I don't care or think about her but she is the only sole thing that has ever managed to drive me this crazy.

I wish she had asked me to come back to her, she could have just stopped me from drifting off this far, I wish she would have calmly made me understood my mistakes instead of those harsh words that literally pierced my heart. I still can't forget those accusations, taunts and damage.

The silence caused so may unrealistic assumptions, I became so vulnerable, she chose the easiest path and that was walking away instead of making things right she chose to left it as it is, Damaged. When things got hard she walked away saying that it was a mistake.

she should have fought with me, hit me, she had this much right over me, but she didn't do anything to mend our relationship. She took the easy way and that was walking out.

I just wished to hear one mere thing that it wasn't a mistake and how she never meant to say it or how she also loves me but nothing came, instead she damaged me more, so much that I was beyond repair. 

So much has changed in this six months but today seeing her again I find myself now in the same position I was then. Just like now, six months back I wished that she would come back to me and all I ever did was just wish.

I love her and I know I always will but it's better to leave the past and not scrape the dreadful and painful memories.

The worst feeling is when you don't want to give up on someone but you know you have to and that's what happened with us. Maybe it's better to stay away from each other and try to start a new chapter of life without having each other in it.

I guess we were meant to be together for just this long and I will leave the rest up to my destiny.

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I literally cried while writing this chapter, I am such a bitch for angst, bro!!

I hope you guys had a roller-coaster of emotions reading this chapter like I did while writing it. I know this chapter ain't long but it was about the emotions that Karan felt towards teja.

My exams are finally over so I'll try to upload next chapter soon.