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Author note...sorry

Hey sorry I haven't been updating this book alot of stuff has happened and right now I need to get it of my chest. Don't worry I'll still make stories here I just need time especially with all that's going on.

To start off my brother and my now sister in law got married about 2 ago now (we rented a venue in our neighborhood so there wouldn't be hassle), everything was going well and we started cleaning up, I left the room to use the restroom and when I got out I heard my mom out front crying about something both my dad and grandmother were there with her worried I asked what had happened and my mother told me through tears that someone had contacted them and told them that my cousin Josh had passed away that day before the wedding.

I was shocked and didn't know what to say so I just walked inside without saying a word, when I got inside we were almost done getting everything packed up and ready to go so we could leave. My grandmother and mom were crying their eyes out the entire time but no one can really blame them for doing so everyone was upset even the bride and groom, for most of the cleaning my sister in law just sat down at the table where she and her now husband were sitting and I could tell she felt terrible from the expression on her face.

At one point my brother and I stepped outside and we both had a cigarette (I'm 23 and my brother is 22 so we are legally allowed to smoke) it was mostly to try and relieve our stress from what was happening, other then my mom, dad, and grandmother, Me, the bride , groom, bridesmaids and best man walked back home (the venue was walking distance from the house) most of was just walked quietly until we got home.

The next day was sad but not much drama so things seemed to be going well.

But today started off well until night came I was just listening to music after I put my 3 year old nephew to bed, when my aunt (Josh's mom) came in and started yelling at Gram, this really scared me, I've never been able to handle people yelling at each other at this point I feel as if my own family is falling apart and....I'm scared ever since we found out Josh died it feels as if thing are getting worse and worse.

Some of my family members (mostly my mom) try to drink their pain away honestly I would join but instead I try to retreat into my own little world to escape from reality it's the only thing I can do that isn't to bad or cause any damage at this point it's the only thing helping my cope with all that currently going on.

I really wish I knew what to do at this point but I'm too afraid of what might go wrong and I don't know what to do about it.

I wish none of this had ever happened, I wish my cousin Josh was still here with us...but he's not and...there's no changing that...I don't know what to do guys I really don't...I don't want my family to fall apart more than it already has.

Thank you all for listening and I'll try to get these stories out to you guys.