the feeling of gender euphoria - liam payne

I wish clothes weren't marked by gender

Liam wants to wear a skirt, they also want to publicly be open about the clothes they wear on social media.

Liam has always wanted to wear a skirt.

A tennis skirt to be precise... You know, the ones that you always see the 'preppy girls' on Instagram wearing? Yeah. That's exactly what Liam wants to wear, and they're extremely confident in the fact that they'd look so unbelievably hot in it. They can very clearly imagine how it would flow around their waist in the summertime as they walk around flower forests, picking up different fallen flowers and placing them behind their ears. It'd be a euphoric experience for sure; the singer can only dream of doing something like it.

The only issue is, they don't have a skirt and It's not that they can't afford one because no, that is certainly not an issue in Liam's case. The issue is that Liam is a popstar, they're famous. They can't go out there and buy a skirt just like that, can they? What would the media say if Liam was seen buying a skirt? Nothing good, Liam believes. They'll probably call them a womaniser and create new theories about how they've been seen dating someone new which is absolutely bullshit. Liam's not even sure if they like women anymore! (Though that's a thought for another day.)

They can't even buy a skirt online because Liam doesn't know what size they are in women's clothing. They could take a wild guess but the chances that they'll be wrong is very high and then they'll have to return it, which Liam thinks is probably one of the world's most awkwardest things to do. They hate to admit it, but they've got a very masculine figure and as a result of this, they will probably never truly find a skirt in woman's sizing that fits them well. It's extremely unfortunate but Liam hopes that sometime in the near future, they will be able to get themselves something custom made without fear of judgement.

They aren't the best at styling clothes but just like everyone else, they have spent a fair amount of time scrolling down Pinterest and have planned multiple outfit boards based around the different types and colours of tennis skirts which they would wear if they had the chance to: their personal favourite outfit in which they have created so far has to be a button up shirt tucked messily into the skirt with an argyle knitted sweater vest on top. Liam would probably wear knee high boots with it or something like black Mary Janes but the idea of wearing something with such a large heel is a little frightening to them at the moment.

Pinterest is one of Liam's favourite apps because they can simply be themselves on there, no one knows exactly who they are because all they are doing is creating boards with outfits and other images in. No need to show their face or leave any captions anywhere. It's peaceful too, never any arguing just pure photos. If Liam had to rank social media apps, they would probably but Pinterest first for this exact reason. Liam strongly dislikes the utter hatred that comes with apps such as Twitter - of course, Twitter is a good place for them to interact and talk to fans, but their name is often trending there and it's not always for a good reason. Liam believes people hate because they have nothing better to do with their lives which is probably true, but they wouldn't dare to tweet or say it out loud because it'd just lead to more negative comments.

They often think about creating secret accounts on other social medias so that they have a place that allows them to be themselves on. They'd like an Instagram account to be open on, one to share pictures of their different colourful, feminine, and androgynous outfits with others who also enjoy wearing similar things, however they believe doing something like this would be hard as their body is covered with distinctive black tattoos. Fans would connect the dots very quickly.

They could create a Twitter account, but they fear that they would accidentally tweet on their main instead of their new account. They also don't exactly know what it is which they would tweet on the account? Perhaps they could tweet their thoughts or engage with other people who aren't publicly out as non-binary or trans just yet. Liam would have to think about it and maybe he will eventually make one, they just wish that they could be publicly out and posting these things on their main account. If only they had the courage.

Liam can remember how when they were younger, (before they even knew what non-binary was, or that they identified as non-binary) they would sneakily try on their sisters' clothes and pose in front of the mirror. Sometimes, and only if the house was empty, they would throw on a dress and dance around their room while wearing it. – 'Friday I'm In Love' by The Cure was one of their go to songs while dancing, they liked how it was upbeat and easy to move around to – They enjoyed how it felt when wearing their sisters clothes but they never understood why they enjoyed it but they guess it all makes sense now and wish that they had realised sooner. Trying on their sisters' clothes was probably one of their first times in which they were able to experience trying something outside of the binary so they will forever be grateful for the opportunity.

Liam really wishes, more than anything in the entire world, that clothes weren't labelled by gender.