I Can't Stay | Rin's Letters

1

"I'm cheating on you, that's why I wanted a break up."

Saying those words are killing me... My lungs are making me suffocated. I felt like breaking down... I just said few words but it almost makes me frozen cold...

I did my best keeping a straight face towards Osamu... though deep down I'm breaking little by little.

"Ha?! What.. What do you mean, Rin?! Is.. this.. a joke.? Come on..We've.. been.. dating...for more than... 2 years now..." he replied almost crying now.

I want to look away... I don't want to see him crying or hurt him.. This is the least thing I ever wanted.

"Stop this nonsense..." he blurted out.

I stared at him. I am breathing rather hard to compose myself not to sound like tearing up myself.

"What I mean? First, I am not kidding .. Well, it means how it sounds like.. I'm breaking up with you because I met someone better than you... Is it too difficult to understand, Samu? I thought you are smarter than At-" I was abruptly stopped.

I'm sorry, Samu.. I know these words hurt you .... It hurts me more... I felt like the air in my lungs are escaping and poking holes in me!

"YOU JERK! HOW DARE YOU!" he shouted as a punch flew into my left cheek and I fell into the ground.

I deserve this... I deserve this...

He glared at me as I brushed away some blood from the corner of my left lip with my thumb.

I looked back at him straight to his face, convincing myself that this is to protect him... Rin, this is to protect Samu, I keep telling myself...

"Get mad at me all you want, Samu... The truth will never change... I... prefer a girl rather than dating a guy like you...."

"Can.. can.. you hear.. yourself, Rin?!" he said trembling with anger.

I'm sorry Samu... I love you... I want to hug him.. pull him into my arms and kiss him.... but....

"Why did I even bothered myself with some lowlife like you on the first place? Guess, it's a peer group influence or something..."

I'm lying, I'm sorry!

"You... But.... You said.. you love me.. you said, you love me more than the world... you said..-" he said tearing up like it makes me cry inside.

"I lied, okay?" I replied... I smirked at him though the truth lies behind my eyes completely holding back the tears.

His jaw literally dropped..

He closed his eyes tightly.... gritting his teeth...

I took a breath, calming myself... clenching my fist tightly, holding back the urge to hug him.

"I just realized, dating a rich girl would probably be more suitable than dating you..." I added

Please, Samu.. Forgive me.

"I thought..you.. said... social..status is nothing but a-" he weakly replied between each whimper.

I have to do this.... I need to...

"I am more privileged than you are, Samu.. Besides, yeah, I fell in love for a girl... Maybe that means, I am not like you... not a member of the third or fourth gender whatsoever...." I slowly pull myself together as I stood and faced him maintaining my stoic face.

"Guess, this is goodbye, Samu." I continued walking away hugging myself, trying my best not to broke down while taking my leave.

I couldn't take it anymore... Just looking at him in so much pain like this almost send me to death... I hate myself... I hate being part of my family!

I reached the place where I parked my car earlier.... I opened the door, take a sit on the driver's seat, beside me is Konami., my fiancée.

~
"Are.. Are you .. okay, Rin?" Konami asked worriedly staring at Rin

Rin started trembling, and broke down crying.

"I.. I.. I'm sorry... Samu... " he began whimpering burying his face into his palms.

"I.. I..don't... I'm sorry... I have to.. I have to.... Oh My God!" he cried louder tightly gripping his hair.

"Seeing him... like that ... Kona... breaks my heart... I... I... I can't... I... I made...him cry... I... hurt him... I... don't... I want to .. I want to die... It's killing me ...." the dark brown haired guy sobbed catching his breath

Konami quickly pulled Rintarō in a tight hug, she herself crying seeing how hurt the young boy is.

"Just.. cry it out... okay, Rin? It's okay .. Everything will be okay" she tried convincing her fiancé.

"Konami... Samu... Samu is my everything ..." he panted, his face deeply buried into the girl's left shoulder.

"I know.. I know... Just bear with it a little longer... We'll do our best to... save him from your father...okay?" Konami replied rubbing Rin's back to calm him down.

"He'll hate me.. He hates me.. I couldn't.. I can't imagine my life without him... Without Osamu... I... I don't want to... go with the plan ... I regret... hurting him like this... Konami... Could I just back out? I can't... I can't do this ..."

"Remember... We"re doing this for him.. so your father won't hurt him and his family... Okay? After the divorce, we'll talk to Osamu okay, and fix your relationship..." she continued though she isn't certain if the young boy understand a thing with all the crying they both have..

"Konami... I... I.. want to protect him... to see him smile..." Rin cried more, his hands gripped tightly to the girl's arms.

"I know.. But... you have to be strong to keep him safe okay, Rin? He'll understand.. I assure you he will."

"It.. hurts..." Osamu replied tears still burning his reddish eyes.

~
That's when Rintarō started writing down all his pain... through letters he wanted to send to Osamu himself....