s t a r s - yang jungwon

s i x

saturday.

dear jungwon,

this is the final letter i will be writing to you.
why? you ask.

well because i'm sat here in a hospital bed.

i'm sorry for not telling you.

i didn't want to tell you that it was my last week of life because i didn't want you to make a fuss. i didn't want you to act on impulse.

there was a reason i would always be taken out of school when we were little.
there was a reason i would sometimes miss our play dates at the age of 10.
there was a reason i told you to keep your jacket  thursday night.
there was a reason i told you not to worry about me getting sick.
because i already was.
i already knew i would die. so why would i take it when you could've used it yourself?

me feeling dizzy, the being out of breath, the crying for not saying goodbye or asking you to stay it all lead up to this and the fact that i am dying.

you're probably asking yourself what's it is.

pneumonia.

there's not many cases of it that lead to death, but unfortunately i was unlucky. and i was one of those 'not many cases'

i'm not going into detail about it, because that's not what letter six is about,
but i will tell you that i'm here to write to you to tell you everything about my feelings.

yang jungwon, i love you.

you were the person i could confide in. you were the person i could trust with everything.
you were the person i would sit at my desk at every night for the final week and write letters to.
you were the one.

the one for me.

i couldn't believe when you kissed me, you made me feel like i could take on the world. you made me feel like i could do anything. you took my first kiss and i am so grateful.

the stars.
the stars knew so much about you, they knew what i admired about you.

they knew what we did everyday.

they knew how much i loved you.

i spoke to them almost everynight.
about you.

it may seem strange but the fact you layed and watched them with me, meant something to me.
it meant the world and more. you didn't realise that they knew about you, you didn't realise just how much they had been told.

the stars were my friends who i could tell everything about.

so now when you read these i hope you will think of me when you see the stars.
i hope one day you will think of me up there, as a star listening to you talk about the person you love.

i hope whoever you love, loves you the same way i love you.
i hope you love them as much as you love football.
i hope you love them as much as you can.
give them too much love.
make sure you show them how amazing they are.

because i never did with you.

i never managed to show you the world.

i never managed to tell you i liked you more than a friend.

i never managed to tell you that i love you.

i'm sorry.
forgive me, please?

in another life i hope we get to reunite and have our happy ending.
i hope we can be together.
and i hope i can eventually tell you that i love you, in another life.

i am frail and weak now. after getting in last night from the best night of my entire life, i cried and cried.
i struggled to breath, i had no air, and my cough was dry and throaty leading to me bringing up blood.

i fainted due to lack of air.
my parents told me they had found me on the floor with little consciousness, and how they had to rush me to hospital.

i cried because i knew that would be the last time i saw you.
and it was the most magical time.
you made my last day with you, the best.
i fainted and was rushed to hospital. that's when they told my parents that it would most likely be today.

the day i close my eyes for good.

i am so sorry jungwon.

i am sorry for not giving you the love you deserve.

i am sorry for not being able to watch the stars with you again.

this isn't a goodbye, just a simple see you when the
time comes.

thank you for reading all 6 letters.

i hope you understand how much you meant to me.
how much a person like you could light up my life.

and how you never failed to make me smile.
you were the light of my life,

and now i hope i can be yours when you look at the stars.

think of me when you see them, and say hello to them every night.

i love you.

yours forever and always.
y/n