Alek

Chapter 46: Alek Russo

Chapter 46: Alek Russo

Dying feels strange.

Dying feels slow. Like your soul is slowly seeping out of you. Like you're looking through a hazy lens where nothing quite makes sense. You try to fight the feeling, but you can't. You try to open your eyes, but you can't. You try and you try.

But you can't.

I can't.

I lay on the hard floor, hands clutching my stomach. My fingers feel wet and I can't breathe. I feel weak, and nausea climbs up my throat.

Why me? Why me? Why me?

Why Mae? Why Mae? Why Mae?

This is punishment. Punishment for being cruel when I didn't need to be. For doing things when I shouldn't have. For how I treated Mae when she'd been innocent.

I think the world is drowning. No, I'm drowning.

We're all drowning.

I begin to crawl towards the second exit. The door is slightly opened, darkness on the other side. The light is dim in the hall, the expensive yellow lights flickering as if there are ghosts following close behind me.

I can't breathe.

Using my left hand, I clutch my stomach, my right hand supporting the rest of my body as I crawl. I drag my body, leaving a trail of blood behind. It smells like blood and blood and so much blood.

Mama, I cry, I think. Mama, help me. It hurts.

My guts are spilling out and I can hardly hold them inside. I'm soaking in my own blood and my skin is so slippery.

Mama, I whisper. I'm sorry.

Keep going, her voice speaks inside my head. Keep going my little boy.

"I can't," I cough, voice shaking as I pant. "I can't, please. Please, I can't-"

You can!

I can't!

When my heart stops, will the pain go away? Or will it only be the start?

Matteo, I sob, gritting my teeth as my fingers push the door open further, crawling through. Lorenzo.

Why Mae? Why me?

The world is gray and Mae is painted in my blood.

"Please," I beg, slumping against the wall, hands clutching my stomach. "Please, please."

I've gone numb, and I can hardly feel anything. My legs have lost feeling and my fingers shake so hard that no matter what I do, they won't still.

The blood won't stop.

I'm dying, I tell myself. You're dying Alek.

I don't want to die.

I want to be with my friends. I want them to be happy. I want to sleep every night with hope for the next day. I want every day to be like how it was at Aunt Drey's. I want to be with Matteo. I want to be with Lorenzo. I want my mama back. I want my father to love me. I want to be happy.

I want and I want so much.

And I get nothing.

I wish and wish.

And none of my wishes come true.

My sweet boy, my mother, had whispered before she died. Never leave your brother's side.

And now they were both dead. And I would be meeting them soon.

Don't forget me, Matteo would make me promise.

I didn't forget to tap thrice, Lorenzo would remind me.

And I would break their promises over and over because that's who I am. And I hate who I am. I hate where I am.

I never wanted any of this.

I just wanted to be normal.

The world darkens, the scene before me swirling like a tornado and my fingers grip the cold floor, squeezing my eyes shut.

"I'm sorry, please," I whisper to the ghosts of the people I killed. "Please, I'm sorry."

They scream in my ear, clawing at my skin. They want revenge. They want to hurt me. They want me dead.

They hate me, hate me, hate me more than I hate myself.

Once upon a time, I would have fought to live. Once upon a time I would have dragged myself up and survived.

But the fight has left my body.

I don't want to die, no. I am just too tired to stop it. I have used everything I have left inside my body and now I'm empty.

Void.

Barren.

Perhaps this is what I deserve for all the pain I've caused. For all the lives I've taken. For how evil I am inside.

But if I am evil what does that make Mae?

I was a puppet and my father was the puppeteer. He pulled my strings and played me. Mae had played a dangerous game and won.

And here I am. Alone. Dying.

I don't want to be alone when I die.

I cough blood onto my sleeve, closing my eyes as I lean my head against the wall. The blood has begun to dry against my suit, and my hands have become sticky. I don't dare move my hands from my wound. I don't want to see what's on the other end, though I already have an idea of what it is. I've been shot many times before, but never this badly. Never this badly.

Steady breathes.

Dying, dying, dying.

And then dead.

I don't want to die alone! I want to shout.

I'm sorry I failed you, Mama, I take a long staggering breath. I'm sorry.

It hurts so bad. It hurts and it hurts and it hurts and I can hardly breathe.

I'm scared, I want to say out loud.

I think I taste salt. Perhaps it's tears from the pain.

I'm sorry Matteo. I'm sorry Lorenzo.

Dying is hard. And I'm tired.

I'm so, so tired.

The world is gray and I'm the only color that exists. At least I am real. But soon, I will be real once.

And with that, I take a long breath and hope it will be my last.

_____________________________

SHAT BRICKS WHILE WRITING THIS

yall thank u sm for 519 views slay the book is almost done hang in there

like and subscribe if ur cool!!