The Killer Pickpocket

A Different Kind of Buzz

I'm in my Basic Hippie White Girl getup today. Meaning half-empty Starbucks Vanilla Latte in one hand, and a bedazzled iPhone 13 in another. I'm wearing a graphic tee under a black cardigan, some comfortable elastic high-waist pants, as well as an LV bag hanging from my wrist. Not the most subtle, but unassuming enough.

You'd think I'd go for someone like a student or an older man, but those are slim pickings. It's always go big or go home for me. The best kind of people are young white collar workers who still don't know how to secure their finances well and have wallets chockful of credit cards- those with a caffeinated thousand-yard stare as they hurry past you.

I scan the mid-morning Monday crowd casually behind my shades as I half-heartedly sipped on my drink, being careful not to bump into oncoming passersby.

My gaze zeroes in on a man in his late twenties or early thirties. He boasts a confident stride, harbors a steely gaze, has on a well-pressed suit and a fitting tie, and is holding a thousand-dollar Saint Laurent briefcase in his right hand.

My heart starts fluttering in my chest like a high-schooler who had just bumped into her crush. He was the perfect target- my perfect target.

I take out my Kate Spade purse and pretend to fish for something.

Five, four, three, two...

"Ah, crap!" I exclaim as my credit cards (expired), dollar bills (I'd drawn out a few hundred dollar notes) and coins (just a small handful) come tumbling out onto the pavement.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot him hesitating for a split second, but his eyes go wide when he spots my scattered belongings and he rushes over, laying his suitcase down beside him as he scoops up my notes and cards.

"Thank you so much! Ugh, I'm such a mess today..." I mutter frustratedly. Meanwhile, my left hand is deftly reaching for his back pocket as he remains bent over, hurriedly picking up the remaining few coins.

"No problem at all, miss. Maybe it's time to invest in a bigger wallet." he says kindly as he picks up his briefcase. "Take care!"

"Thank you!" I say again as he makes his way past me across the busy junction.

Thank you indeed, kind sir.