𝐅𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ❧ original story

² I want to take a breath that's true.

A YEAR BEFORE : 

" So ? "

I hated Martha's voice. It was so obnoxious , she didn't even see why people hated when she was speaking , she had that high-pitched voice , so acute it could break glass. People only liked her voice when she had some gigs for us , which never happened. She was that useless.

" So he said yes. "

There was a silence. The dreadful kind. The kind you physically suffered from. I was tempted to hang up on her. And also fire her.

" That is nice to hear. "

And then , when she thought I couldn't hear her , or maybe she just wanted to piss me off voluntarily , she muttered a low , " You finally do something for once. "

I had no reaction , none whatsoever. I just took a deep breath and retorted :

" You finally gave me a reason to fire you . "

Then I hung up.

I was done with it all.

All of this was impacting me in ways I never knew could be possible , I was feeling so bad all the time and there was nothing to make it better. I always felt useless , when I did my best , singing at the top of my lungs for people who didn't even care about me , playing the guitar like my life depended on it. And all I got were these kind of comments. It made me want to quit everything.

I dropped my phone on the rug and got up. The house was empty , awfully devoid of any sign of life. I felt completely destitute , as if people hated to be around me.

I made myself some coffee , I hated coffee , then I sat in front of the piano.

I set my cup in front of me and put my fingers on the keyboard and my feet on the pedals.
I stayed frozen for a second then I started moving my fingers. It all came naturally , as if the melody I was making belonged to my body. I found myself playing my most personal song, the most intimate tune in our records. The song inspired by my mother.

People usually mistook it for a love song , a romantic ballad , when it was in fact , dedicated to my mother , written while listening to my mother tell me hurtful things. I told myself she didn't mean them , while writing down each of her words like they were bullets.

It led to me finding a back melody to the lyrics and suggesting it to the other girls who ended up being so touched they said yes to include it to our third album , " consensual sex ".

I'd always remember the way they looked at me whilst I was at my piano , pouring my heart into the notes to make them seem less perfect and more heartfelt , whilst I was scratching my vocal cords to a point of no going back , crying out those lyrics as if people actually cared about what the fuck I was expressing.

None of our songs were actually about love. People in the industry still didn't know that , we were geniuses , our closest friends knew all about it , we tricked people into thinking what we were singing were odes to our exes or lovers when they were truly peculiar interpretations of life subjects no one talked about enough.

We had read about  it once in a journal, that we were the most misunderstood artists in the decade , that our music was misread and confused by most of our auditors.

But we didn't actually want people to understand the meaning , because when they listened to it , enjoying it as it was , their unconscious took it all in. They somehow knew what the songs were about without knowing. People weren't all morons.

I sang for half the day , occasionally sipping my coffee , at some point I must've shed a tear. The piano was loud and I had nothing better to do. Today was an empty day , and the 2 weeks that were coming were going to be too.