Knives and Red Shoes

Chapter 3

The next morning, was the same routine. Cut,get dressed, and try to avoid my parents while walking out the door. In the halls everyone looked at me weirdly,but that wasn't different from any other normal day. Sometimes I wonder, why was I put on this Earth? Why should I stay? That's right...no reason. Like I said, everyone could care less about what happens to me. They probably won't even notice if I ever left this world!
These thought float in my head, as the hours pass trough the school day. The problem was... I still had to sit through class, alone. Through first period, I couldn't focus at all. I kept thinking that one day, I might need to leave. What do I mean by that you might ask? Well, I don't know, because i'm trying to figure that out to. My mind was filled all through first period thinking of what I meant.
Should I just leave the school and start over? Do I want to run away? Do I leave town? I didn't want to think that I meant I want to leave the world,but maybe I did. Frustration filled the room, and my thoughts. You could see it in my face.
"Trinity, what do you think is the answer?" I heard Mr.Garcia say. I didn't answer. He repeated,"Trinity, guess what fifty-nine squared is?" Still no answer. Lauren nudged me.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, um, I think it is three-thousand five hundred," I guessed.
"That was really close, good job," I heard Mr.Garcia say, but then his voice started to fade out. My thoughts got louder in my head. It was almost as if they were yelling at me. Saved by the bell!
The bell rang and I headed to P.E. Im pretty good at P.E,the only problem is when there are cuts on my legs and the teacher asks about it. I have no response then. Third period, history, has always been my favorite class of the day. The only time in the day where I could focus on classwork and not the thought yelling through my head, begging me to go away.
It's so hard to ignore these thoughts, but they just keep coming back. I try so hard to change,but I can't. No matter how hard I try to keep myself happy, there are a million reasons for me not to be, and those interrupt my happiness. If I had a choice, I would be happy,but it's to hard. I smile, but in the inside I'm actually dying. Dying with each word.
By the time it reached the end of the school day, my thoughts had already exploded in my mind.I felt like I would have bursted if I had to stay another moment. I almost burst into tears in the car ride home.When I got home I was going to do my usual routine, but then something happened.Not just anything happened.It was weird. There was no blood marks anywhere, which was way to weird. I had to get to the bottom of it, just not today.