Knives and Red Shoes

Chapter 4

A week past by and I was still the same. Happy but yet sad. Active but yet lazy. Wanting to speak my mind yet I still don't.
Since it's Saturday, I figured why not have a little fun. I know what you're thinking,"
She's gonna hurt herself for fun again," but your wrong.
Just because I like pain doesn't mean I don't get tired of it. I mean I'm going to hang out with Lauren, the only person who actually cares! The only person who's words overthrow mine. She's taking me shopping. Do you think I'll last the day without trying to hurt myself?
Before Lauren comes I have to get ready. I put on my distressed leggings with a loose black blouse. I'm trying so hard not to reach for the knife or the rubber bands. Trying hard enough not to even look at them. If Lauren sees me with bruises or cuts, she'll worry about me. I rather keep her happy. At least I can influence one person's life in a good way.
Lauren knocks on the door waiting for the answer. I fell down the stairs as I was going to open the door. My knee started to bleed. I opened the door and what I wasn't hoping would happen, happened. Lauren asks me,"Did you cut yourself! I can't believe you cut your knee! You promised you'd try one day!" She started to tear up.
"I promise you that I didn't do this on purpose. I fell down the stairs Lauren. Believe me!" I begged.
"How can I believe you when all you want to do is hurt yourself?"
"I don't want to hurt you, that's why you should believe me. I wouldn't break a promise that I made to you," I tried to explain. After an hour of trying to get her to believe me, we finally left. When I came back I ran straight to my room. I am so used to going to my knives and rubber bands that I reached for them. The urge is so hard to resist. I had to.
I slit my wrists three times. One for disappointing Lauren. Two for falling. Three for not resisting. The blood dropped onto the floor. A smile was on my face for the first time in a while.
Sometimes in life we need to make changes, I tried, and failed. Why am I such a failure! I banged my head against the table. A loud thud filled the house.
The sound of my parents footsteps got louder and louder. They rushed into my room. Blood started to drip off of my forehead. Mom started to cry and Dad came over to carry me out to the car. It seems this time I may have gone too far.