If I Should Recall // Josh Kiszka

2.

It's been about 3 days since I heard his voice for the first time outside of a dream.

I've been desperately clawing at self reassurance since then, trying to explain it to myself to draw away from the worst case scenario, being that I've truly just lost my mind.

I simply imagined it, or maybe, I'm just remembering it wrong. Maybe I was a lot more over tired than I recall.

That would explain the rest of the weird occurrences that unfolded that night, but...it wouldn't really explain everything that's happened since then.

The other night, right after I realized who's voice I was hearing, the loudest crash of thunder I've ever heard sounded from outside.

When I went to bed that night, I dreamed of him again. Except this one was closer to a nightmare.

We were both walking through this big forest, a beautiful tangle of green leaves and brown branches draped the sky above us as we started off hand in hand. But suddenly, I went to look over at him and he was gone.

I could hear him yelling my name over and over as I yelled his back, both of us desperate to find each other, as the bright, natural colors around us had faded to a darkness that made it all the more haunting.

I just remember feeling empty, and helpless, and absolutely terrified. I remember this huge weight on my chest as I ran through the trees, tears in my eyes and my brain telling me I'd never find him, or a way out.

He sounded so close, yet he was no where to be found. Exactly like it was when I heard his voice in my living room, while I was awake.

When I woke up that next morning, I had the worst headache I've ever had in my life. I ended up in bed most of the day because my head was pounding so hard I thought it might fall off.

Then, last night's dream was a bit odd, not in a bad way, but definitely unexpected considering the nightmare that preceded it.

We were hugging...the entire time. It was almost like he was comforting me. He stroked my hair and drew circles on my back, and I gripped onto him with my head tucked in his neck, like he was exactly what I needed at that moment in time.

We didn't speak, until he broke the silence the very moment before I woke up. He said "it's ok, I'm here" and I opened my eyes.

My headache was gone as if it never resided in the first place, and I got the urge to go for a walk. That brings us to now.

I slip on some semi lightweight clothes to match the cool weather, and usher along as I walk out the door and begin my journey.

Every move I've been making since I woke up feels as if I'm not the one in control, as if my body already knows what to do. Almost like muscle memory, but to a peculiar extent.

The forecast I read before I left said 51°, yet being out here I'd swear it was about 20 or lower. I wrap my arms around myself as a breeze floats by, forcing me to cringe and shiver at the bite of cold air.

I'm forced to a stop when I feel that familiar chill course through my body, all of my muscles beginning to tighten as I clench my eyes shut at the uncomfortable sensation.

As it passes through me slowly but surely, I'm met with a feeling of dizziness, and a fog to plague my mind.

I take a deep breath, and slowly begin to look around.

That's when I realize...I have no idea where I am.

I'm deep in the woods, guarded by a mess of trees, with no path in sight.

And, maybe I'm hallucinating, but this spot looks exactly like the one I was stuck in, in my nightmare from the other night.

The fog in my brain is suddenly gone as well as most of the dizziness, traces of the latter still sticking around making this all the more worse.