Inspite of you

The thoughts that are always in my head

You aren't allowed to disappear for a large portion of my life and just expect to be my father. A person isn't called a father Becuase they birthed thier child, they are called a father Becuase they do certain things for that child. A father takes care of a child, makes sure that they are headed on the right path in life. They are there when their child needs to talk to them. They punish a child when he/she does something wrong and more importantly they reward them when they do something right. But not only do those things count, but there are a bunch of little things as well. Things like being able to finish their sentence, knowing how well they slept last night. Knowing who their friends are. Fathers do certain things. Fathers earn their position. You haven't spoken to me for months, you moved 700 miles away from us. Your excuse for seeing us was that you barely know what we look like anymore. A real father knows what thier child looks like. You don't know who my friends are, you don't know my favorite band, you don't know what my handwriting looks like, or what my favorite color is now. These are things that a father not only knows, but loves about a child. The only things that you have left to connect with us or talk to us about are things that we did when we were 9 and 11. That's when you left. 6 years ago. Yes I know this. And yes you still treat us like we are that age. I used to be proud of who you were. You were a handsome, put together kinda guy. You weren't drinking, you had cool talents like drawing and flying a plane. I really loved who my dad was. But not anymore. All of the things that I used to cherish and remind myself about you are gone. It may seam like me and max are all over you, but we just don't like hurting peoples feelings. Yes I miss you being in my life, but maybe that's just Becuase I miss having a father, a person that I thought was going to be there forever. I miss looking forward to all the things that a little girl should look forward to in life. But I don't have that, and I will never have that. Now I have gotten myself to a good place in my life where I feel like I am going somewhere, but I got there with the help of my mother. She cares about me and is there when I need her. Things that a parent should do. So don't think that you can be my father and not do all the work that comes along with it. Life has responsabilities and it's not fair for a person to cheat the system.