in pieces

1. no roads left

A deep pain could be felt from my side. I had sold myself again last night. Turned myself into a fucktoy. That's all I was good at anyways. After all, Mike was right, they could find better singers than me and I'm worthless. I got up from the bench I had slept on, looking around the street. It was too early to sell myself, and I needed to change locations. All of my money had been burned because of my addictions. Tent communities didn't want me, as I was famous and 'did it to myself.' I really had no friends now. A deep, sorrow filled laugh escaped me as I trudged down the street. My once spotless boots had a hole in the toe. My jeans were ripped beyond repair. I was dirty and only got to bathe in public showers when I could find one.

I felt dizzy, so I laid against a brick alleyway. Carefully, I dug through the sack I had.

You could get it over with

The thought crossed my mind. I mean, I could increase the dosage I took and just let it happen. I stuffed the sack back where it was and made it to a local park and laid by a tree. I took out a bottle of pills and took them all. All 30. I swallowed them dry, relaxing.

I'm gonna puke, I thought to myself. Blood and pills came up, but it was only half. Yet, I continued to dry heave. Blood continued to dribble from my mouth as I laid on the dirt. This is how it ends.

I felt a hand on me so I tried to figure out who they were. They lifted my head up and put some type of pillow under my head and covered me up. I looked again and noticed who it was.

"R-Rob, w-what are y-you d-doing h-here?" I croaked, the dry heaving making my voice hoarse.

"Chaz, I was just walking around the park when I saw you. I thought you still had a house. I thought you were okay," he whispered, taking my cheek. I felt him wipe away tears I didn't know were there. I could hear the wail of an ambulance. I leaned against Rob.

"I'm gonna sleep. You're warm," I giggled. He laughed and stroked my hair.

"You do that," he smiled.

• • •

"Chaz, bud, they said you've been rape-" I stopped Rob.

"I had no choice, police never listen and they'd pay me," I sighed. He wanted to continue but I gave him a look.

"Uh... let's get you some clothes on. I got you some of my sweats and a shirt," he handed over the clothes. "You look better without all the dirt."

I sighed, slipping the clothes on. Rob smiled, "Ready to go home?"

"I guess," I sighed. I wondered if him and Brad had gotten married. I looked at his hand to see a wedding band with Brad's initials. Yeah, they were married.

How did I get into the predicament where I was out of Linkin Park? Simple. I told Mike I loved him, he blew up and called me a fag. That simple.

Rob didn't know, of course. I don't even know if Mike remembered what happened that night. We were both so fucking drunk.

"Chester... earth to Chester..." I saw someone waving in front of my face. I jumped back when I saw it was Brad. How long did I space out? "He looks horrible. He was really out on the streets for a year, huh."

"He was... bank shut down his accounts," Rob sighed. I groaned, spacing out again. I knew someone had put me on the couch.

"Shower time, Chaz," I jumped at Rob's voice. He had a towel, soap, and... bubble bath? "I'm gonna run you a bath. It'll ease your nerves," Rob smiled. I nodded, knowing that a warm bath with candles and nice foamy bubbles would help.

• • •

I looked at myself in a mirror. I looked like hell still. However, Brad insisted on inviting the others over to surprise them. I had buzzed my hair since I couldn't get a haircut and overall, the long hair was too 'high school me.' I stepped out of the bedroom in a loose shirt and some jeans. I didn't have any shoes and they had bigger feet than me, so I was in socks.

I heard a knock that startled me. I saw Joe and Dave. Again, they both had wedding bands. They were married. Phi hugged me tightly and Joe almost lost it, fanning his face and wiping tears dramatically. Brad was cooking and whatever it was, smelled amazing. I hung out with them, talking about the weird shit I saw while homeless. Then, another knock came.

I gulped.