in pieces

9. morei sky

Mike sat across from me. I don't know why he cared so much anymore. I didn't know who to trust anymore. Was it really Jason? Jason wouldn't do it now that Mike and I are talking again. Maybe it was him... maybe Mike did rape me. I clutched my swimming head, looking up at Mike. Either way, what did Mike see in me? He probably just seen a weak piece of shit anyways. No wonder why he raped me. My body was weak and I never felt 'well' anymore. I tried to stay awake, my body shaking at the 'what if's.'

"Chester, what's wrong?" He asked. I couldn't respond. "Tell me what's wrong baby-"

I snapped.

"YOU RAPED ME AND YOU ARE TRYING TO COVER IT UP!" I screamed.

"Chester I didn't rape you I promise!"

"Liar!"

"You two break it up-"

"You know what Mike I wish I was never born! So you would've never had me as a fucking friend and you and your fucking band would've broken up! You would've been alone! You know how long I've been alone?! Half of my fucking life Michael!"

"I wish you were never born too! I would've never had to deal with your problems! You act like a fucking toddler having these temper tantrums!"

"Mike... Chester n-"

Crack

Bang

Snap

Rip

Crash

"Chester!?"

•••

"Fucking Christ Dave, what the hell are we gonna do? They're not toddlers we can't just put them in timeout," I heard Rob's voice.

"We could try-"

"Dave you are not duct taping them to seats again. It's torture and Chester is fucking Houdini," Brad added.

I sat up only to be pushed back into the bed. What happened? I looked around to see Mike hunched over with an ice pack on his head.

"Mike next time don't add fuel to the fire. If Dave wouldn't have hit Chester over the head real good you would've been fucked. He's like a rabid squirrel... but big enough to kill," Rob scolded. I could only roll my eyes.

"Chester here drink," I now had a cup being waved in front of my face. I pushed it away in annoyance. That punk was gonna get what he deserved. He raped me.

"Rob you were right... we should've sent him to the hospital for a rape kit. It would've confirmed it was Jason and not Mike. Now we're on this teeter of uncertainty. I know it wasn't Mike. I watch him take his medicine every day," Brad sighed.

"I don't like that Chester beat the shit out of Mike, but sorry Mike, I get where he's coming from. It's your word against his," Joe added. Why was the whole band here anyways? It was just me, Mike, and Brad.

I stretched my legs, "I'm not fucking deaf. I might be fucking blind, but I'm not fucking deaf. Where the hell are my glasses anyways?!" I looked around.

"Here," Rob handed them to me. I put them on, noticing how sad and hurt Mike looked. He looked like he was in pain. For a split second I felt bad for Mike.

But then I remembered... I can't trust him anymore... and the band didn't trust me either. Like always, blindly taking Mike's word, never paying attention to silly Chester. Silly Chester has trauma, he could never have wisdom. But Big Mikey had a loving and caring family. Silly Chester doesn't have any classical musical experience, but Big Mikey took piano lessons as a kid through their teen years, he must be so important! It's pathetic how I'm overlooked. Even the media overlooks me. They think I'm some big asshole rock star... even when I'm not. It's like nobody knows the real me... except the one person... the one I thought I could trust. When I was homeless and cut contact... did everyone just stay around, hanging out with Mike despite all he done?

I sighed, standing up and leaving for the bathroom. I hated being watched like that. I could take a shower and get some peace. That sounds like a good idea. I walked into my room, which was thankfully not where the guys were, and grabbed some underwear and sweatpants. I then grabbed a towel out of the cabinet. The shower did seem to ease my nerves, like the water washed away the worry. I was finally safe enough to relax. Something about the shower was refreshing and rejuvenating. Maybe it was just the vanilla scented shampoo... Mike always loved this shampoo.

I shook my head to abandon that thought. He'd never get the privilege to use my vanilla shampoo again. He lost all rights to me. I sighed... my exhausted muscles being restored by the water. I wish I could keep him off my mind.

"Chaz? You've been in the shower for two hours buddy, you okay?" Rob asked.

I almost jumped out of my skin and finished washing my body, drying off and putting clothes on. How did I let my thoughts drift for that long? Was I that relaxed? I shook my head, now heading towards my room to watch Netflix.

On the screen was two lovers... I loved this show. They'd both done bad to each other but could overcome their hardships. They could make amends.

Could I ever make amends with Mike?

Does he even love me?

I turned the TV off. I sighed, thinking about Mike. What if he didn't rape me? What if he's right? Maybe he isn't lying. Even when Mike was at his worst he never lied... it isn't Mike's nature. Maybe I was mistaken... maybe he really is sorry.

I realized I'd have to attempt to trust him... for the band's sake. I couldn't lose everyone again.

I realized I'd have to do one thing... let go of the past.