scars [l.h]

see

it was 5:00, but emilee couldn't bring herself to do it- to cut at someone else's house. there were so many risks and she was almost 99% sure that luke was already looking for her everywhere. she set the razor aside and sighed. maybe in disappointment, maybe in relief. emilee didn't know herself. but she knew that she couldn't cut, not until she got home at least. and, as hard as it was for her, she had to control herself.

control was, as you could say, a foreign concept to emilee. she barely thought once about anything she did, let alone thinking twice. she just did what felt right in the moment, and went along with it. that's how she had lived her entire life, and she had never had any problems with it. until she turned 12.

it was emilee's 12th birthday. she stood in her bathroom, by herself. nobody had come to her party, because emilee had no friends. she talked to nobody, and nobody talked to her. part of her wanted to have the typical 7th grader life: popular, with friends glued to her side. but the other part loved the isolation and numbness. but emilee was tired of it; the numbness to everything. she always thought that feeling pain was the worst feeling in the world. but, perhaps, feeling nothing at all was exponentially worse.

emilee was desperate to feel something. she rummaged around her bathroom and found an earring. emilee never wore jewelry; it attracted too much attention. and thats the last thing she wanted. she wanted to hide in the shadows, to be invisible to the world. but she wanted even more to feel pain.

with the earring in hand, she flipped her arm over so that the bright green vein was pulsating directly to her. she roughly moved the earring across her flesh, but barely made a scratch. again, she did it, this time harder. the scar became a bit more prominent but it still wasn't enough to cause pain. emilee needed to bleed out.

a panicked knock on the door abruptly ended emilee's haunting flashback.

"em?" the voice on the other side of the door said. "are you there?"

emilee tried to force herself to say something; she remembered the feeling that she had before when she talked. but, for some odd reason, she couldnt bring herself to say anything. she sighed in frustration at her own stubbornness but nevertheless she went to the door and opened it, revealing a panicked luke.

"oh my god ive been looking everywhere for you!" he yelled, breathing loudly in relief as he pulled emilee in for a tight embrace. she felt exceptionally uncomfortable, and she squirmed to get out of the blonde boy's grasp. but, it was no use. luke was much stronger than her and, due to his stupidity, didnt even realize how uncomfortable the poor girl was.

finally, luke released her and took a deep breath.

"so, that project we had," he said, moving his hand to his hair to hide the outpour of emotion that had just occured. emilee nodded but didnt say anything- she was much too afraid.