Cigarettes [Mattheo Riddle]

eighteen

the sky gave no blatant reminder that the sun had risen the next morning. the sky was cloudy, and the fields foggy, the air dewy and wet. the smell of rain lingered, and freshly cut grass filled the air.
blaire was sat in her bed; her bedsheets tangled around her body. she opened her window and heard the birdsong.
life had felt like a haze for the past week, each day melting into each other like sugar and butter. without mattheo, with most of her relationships cut off, she had been isolating herself.
blaire forced her fimble legs to support her, as she dressed herself in the usual. black ravenclaw cardigan, messy loosely done blue and silver tie, skirt, and tights. she realised they had a few tears, but didn't care.
she slipped on some loafers and left her dormitory.

luna, cho and willow were sat in the ravenclaw common room. luna was reading cho's tarot for the day and willow was petting her tabby cat, who was called rubia.
"oh, good morning, blaire."
"morning."
"are you alright?" luna asked in her familiar misty voice. blaire went and sat beside her.
"yeah. look, i'm sorry guys. i know i've been distant, i just-"
"mattheo?" cho prompted. luna and willow raised their heads to look at blaire, waiting for a reaction.
"you could say that. i don't know. it's-" blaire stammered, lost for words. it seemed to be a sensitive topic.
"-hard to explain?" cho continued.
"cho!" blaire stifled a small laugh. "i'm rather hungry. i'm headed for breakfast. does anybody care to join me?"
"i will, i'm peckish." willow smiled softly, as luna began her joyful chatter about tarot; it seemed cho was in for a turbulent day.

as they walked through the stone corridors, they discussed the weather and their timetables.
"oh, i have potions first, then divination, then runes, then a free period, lunch- then finally i have astronomy." blaire said, as they turned and headed down a flight of stairs.
"i have all of those except for runes." willow replied, even though it was a statement.
"you know, i really love what people call gloomy days. they're so comforting and fresh, you know?"
"i agree, it's a very ravenclaw passion. the weather." willow smiled.

they reached the great hall, and it beckoned open to them. the scent of fruit, orange juice, eggs and bacon flooded their noses. the sound of chatter, laughter and tiredness flooded their ears.
"god, i love hogwarts." willow laughed to herself.
"yeah. me too, willow. me too."

they sat at the ravenclaw table as usual, and willow- who was more peckish than she claimed- helped herself to a full english breakfast with a side of fruit. blaire, on the other hand, had porridge with strawberry jam and berries - and a cup of camomile tea.

for a sense of comfort and familiarity, blaire gave in to the temptations and turned her head to gaze at the slytherin table. there, shockingly, sat mattheo. he was prodding at his food with his fork; and his skin looked awful. he had blemishes, where once he had clear baby skin. his cheekbones and eyes were sunken, almost like a corpse, and his lips were chapped. his hair was tangled and his curls were losing their definition. just like how he was losing his definition.

and a thought came to blaire.
isn't it so saddening to watch someone deplete? watching their emotions take over them? where they were once mysterious, yes, but so charming, and amusing. and now they have became isolated, quiet and invisible.

"blaire? it won't do you any good admiring a lost cause."
"don't call him a lost cause."
"blaire, my love, please. let it go. like waves of an ocean, don't you feel better? he wasn't good enough for you." willow said calmly. blaire froze. no, he was too good for me. i betrayed him. "i know what you're thinking. you told me, remember?" willow stopped blaire's train of thought, whilst shoving a bit of toast into her mouth. "look, it is not your fault. you weren't cheating. you were helping someone. being your selfless self. being blaire, in fact!"

blaire looked up at willow's face. she was a beam of light. the delves of her face were so proportionate and joyous, and so delicate. her hair was so neat and clean, and her eyes so comforting. "i love you, willow. and luna of course, and cho."