The Nanny

26. Paige

If I say I want him too then that'll be it. We'll be careening along this collision course with broken heart station straight ahead. Seven months from now, I'll be a mess.

Or maybe our hearts won't get quite involved enough, and we'll decide we don't like each other all that well after all. Then it'll be however many months of pretending we haven't tasted each other, that we didn't spend hours mapping each other's bodies in the dead of night. Because if there's one thing I know for absolute certain, I intend to memorize every spectacular inch of Ash Galvin.

It's important for me to go into this affair self-aware and honest about the risks and limitations. No matter which way we end, it won't be good, and the only thing either of us knows for sure is that whatever this is will end.

Falling headlong into heartbreak might be the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life, but being around him and not being with him has bested what I once considered to be ironclad common sense. Ash is my breaking point, for everything.

"I think," I say, licking my lips. "I think we should keep it just between you and me. Nothing in front of the kids. We don't tell anyone. So then, if it doesn't work out, it's less awkward."

"Just you and me," he says. "That's all I want anyway."

"This is a bit terrifying, isn't it?" I wring my hands together in front of me. "Are we doing the right thing?"

He searches my face. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what I might have had with you."

And that, more than anything else he could have said propels me over the edge. My feelings are mirrored in him—desperate and hungry.

"I reckon we'll be alright if we take care of each other," he says.

When he starts to say something else, I rise on my toes and kiss him. I'm done being convinced, or rather having him restate my own worries. Doing this doesn't have to change things between us. We can keep a line drawn between Nanny Ash and Paige the employer and whatever we're embarking on. We just have to be honest with each other and remember this isn't forever.

He meets my kiss, and I'm reminded of how good this was last time as he slides his hand into my hair and tilts his head, deepening the connection. We kiss and kiss while our hands explore each other, sliding over clothes and then under. 

"Bedroom?" he murmurs against my neck, and I shiver at the contact.

"We definitely need a locked door." I let out a soft chuckle as he takes my hand and leads me up the stairs. At the top, as we walk along the hallway, I latch onto him from behind and loop my arms around his waist. He puts his big hand over mine and gives me a reassuring squeeze.

Once we're in the door, Ash locks it, and he worries his lip. "I've only done this with one other person, so I'm gonna need you—you'll need to tell me what you like. Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it."

Refreshingly honest, just like everything else about him. But it's shocking in many ways that Imogen is the only woman he's ever been with. He's gorgeous with an easy-going personality that only elevates his attractiveness.

Whenever I go anywhere with him, women size him up, and Gwen had the same experience. He's a magnet, and I'm flattered, and more than a little touched, that I'm the one he's drawn to. 

"I have no problem telling you what I like," I say, stepping into him.

"Do you reckon I can tell you what I like too?" He scans my face while his thumb caresses my cheek.

"You planning to talk dirty to me, Ash?" I slide my hands under his shirt, marveling at the reality of being able to touch him any way I want.

"Would you like that?" His voice is husky, and he kisses under my ear before grazing my earlobe with his teeth.