My personal narrative: age 21 to 25

Writing can be pretty hard. Especially to somebody that has had writers block for Ten years. I don't know why. Maybe because I had a difficult time processing the many things that kept happening to me. Got into a relationship that was toxic and felt that i couldn't do anything without his approval, he became abusive and that was the last straw. I moved out and into my dads. I started to finish my school, quit for my exes family, and graduated. I moved out of my dads apartment and into my friends. I shared a room with her and it was the most fun i had, I was 21 at the time. I went on a binge of partying and got into smoking weed almost everyday. I had Three jobs and went to college as well to provide for my lifestyle. I never really liked staying in one place for too long. 

So I got into another relationship shortly after and moved in with him. I was 22. His family was really nice and i fell in love (at least I thought so). We traveled to Cuba. He was a Cuban so his morals and values wasn't right for me at the time, he wanted me to change and it fucked with me mentally. We got into fights and he was the type that he'd rather fight than me taking a break for a night. That's what i did I left because in his words "I wish i never would have met you". It broke me and still haunted me. I left to take time for myself and he broke it off with me. I was devastated at the time. I had nightmares constantly while i was in this relationship. I then lived with my friend and started to travel with my friend for work. We went to Colorado and had that time to get over my past relationship. It was a relief to leave when i did. When we returned to Florida, I decided moving permanently into my dads over in Tennessee. It was a big stress relief and felt that i was doing this for a good cause. 

I was taking care of my grandpa while my dad would work in different states. Mind you he was over 200 pounds and would fall constantly, theres been times when he fell in the bath too. i was physically incapable of taking care of him. We had placed him in a home. I was 23. At this time i decided to do things differently (as far as my ideas for my birthday) I crossed off something from my bucket list, going zip lining in a tree top trek to get over my fear of heights. I felt more alive than i did when i was living with these boys i thought i loved. I was still partying at this time as well. I met some pretty good people but got into another relationship. I was taking it really slow but then we ended up loving each other. Both as Boyfriend and Girlfriend and as Best friends. Got into psychedelics for a short period of time, it didnt last cause my body changed and i got scared. Doing all of that made me realize that i wasn't built for that lifestyle and ended my relationship with hardcore drugs. I still drink socially and smoke weed just for sleep though. At this point me and my Boyfriend developed a strong bond and officially made it to where he was living with me. 

Which brings me to 24, When i Cliff dived for the first time and i realized my dream, i want to become a mermaid performer, which now i had goals to accomplish. I bought a mermaid tail and a fluke, with my boyfriend by my side he supported me through everything. I've never felt anything like this before. I ended up getting my cpr certificate. Getting my mermaid tail was a life long dream of mine. I got him into anime and he really loves it. Im a anime lover and a gamer so it works. He loved and supported me, and i him. Our relationship grew even stronger. 

By the time i am 25 I went camping on an island and I got into a mermaid group, no job, I just focused all of my energy into this, me and my boyfriend had many fights but nothing we couldn't concur together. It made me feel happy and secure. We've had many people against us and many for us, made new friends together and lost old ones, by the end of 2021 one of our close friends and roommate died in her room, during a party we through. I was shaken, lost, depressed, angry, I couldn't help but think that if i would've checked on her i would've saved her at the time. I needed some way to convince myself that it wasn't my fault, It wasn't my fault. And yet I went to my friend, I needed a listening ear and hopefully some company, i felt alone. But i got just the opposite. i got blamed for her death, i was appalled and at that moment my world was crumbling. Why would my supposed "friend" say this to me, i felt like she didn't care. And i fell into my own world of regret, depression. I felt i couldn't talk to anyone about this. Which brings me to the day after christmas, my boyfriend proposed and i was so happy. 2022 is a hard year i had less and less friends as each month rolled by. But my bestfriend and now Fiance was there for me through everything. and i couldn't be any happier. 

Until next time in 2023 - Stay Tuned