Addictive minds (18+)

Full circle

I looked up at the apartment building. It was old and looked dilapidated to say the least. Laundry hanged from the balconies and people were sitting in front of the main entrance smoking. I walked up to them. At one point in my life i probably would have fit in with them. Boys with dirty clothing and nothing else to do than smoke and 'hang out'. Now i was a different person. My clothing was to clean, my car was too new and my whole attitude towards life had changed. 'Yo, homeboy what happened to your face?'. One said, exhaling i thick cloud of smoke. 'Fire'. I said calmly. I didn't scare easy and that was a good thing. This neighbourhood was shady. 'So, what you doing here? You look way to posh for this place'. I nodded; couldn't disagree with him. 'I'm looking for my father; i think he lives here'. Now i had their attention. 'His last name is Jones'. They all start to laugh. 'That crazy mother fucker? You're his son? Jesus homeboy, he's up on the second floor, first house'. I wasn't surprised by their reaction. Knowing my father, he wouldn't be very impressed by guys like this. He would wipe the floor with them if they tried to mess with him. I walked past them. 'Good luck'. They said as they continued doing nothing.

I wasn't even nervous. Although i wanted to come here I really didn't need anything from him. I just had to see him once and i wanted him to see me too. I stood in front of his door and knocked. Music was audible from outside the house and as the door opened it became even louder. I hadn't seen him in years yet he looked unchanged. 'Fede?'. He said; his voice just as shocked as it was surprised.
He really did look the same; dirty and wearing old clothes, scruffy stubbles on his face and poor skin. The toxic smell off alcohol whipped me in my face and i was happy it didn't make me feel anything at all.
I gave him a smile, not that he deserved it. 'Hey dad'. I calmly said as I watched him step back to let me in. 'I... I don't know what to say boy'. He stuttered. I walked in and looked around. This house was a mess and it smelled like a dump. This was how my old house would have looked like if I hadn't taken care of everything. 'Don't mind the mess'. He said apologetic as he walked into the kitchen and moved some dirty plates like it would somehow help. I nodded; I didn't care about his mess.
I sat down on one of the chairs at the dinner table. 'How have you been?'. I asked him. I couldn't tell if i cared, maybe i did a little. 'It's been difficult'. I looked at the empty bottles of booze and could tell. He nervously walked around as he looked at my face. I knew he had now recognized the scars. 'They're from the fire'. I told him as I touched my wrinkly temple. I didn't want to make him feel guilty but i could see he wanted to say something about it. 'Son...'. I knew an apology was coming but now i felt unprepared for it so i stopped him. 'Dad, can you sit down for a second?'. He nodded and did what i asked from him.
We sat in silence for minutes and then he calmly said. 'Tell me you ended up, okay?'. I could see some sort of grief in his eyes. 'Why do you want to know? Do you care?'. He looked at me. 'Yes, i know I don't deserve anything. But i was sober when i got out of jail and wanted to know if you were okay. That's all i wanted'. I nodded. 'You aren't sober anymore'. His face pulled in a frown as he looked at the empty bottles next to the overflowing trash can. 'I know you don't understand but i... i just can't help it, Fede. I can't stop even when i try really hard'. I smiled amused and a harsh laugh escaped from my mouth. 'I do understand'. I told him calmly. This surprised him. From all the answers he must have imagined this wasn't one of them. 'I've been sober for one year now'. I could see his brain trying to figure this out. 'Alcohol?'. He asked, but he knew. 'Yes, i know how difficult it is to stop, so don't tell me you can't stop. I've done it too'. He shook his head. 'Fede, i have nothing left... i just want to be by myself and wait for death to come'. This angered me. 'Your just selfish, you always have been. You had me once! You had a son and you treated me like trash! You fucking set the house on fire and burned me alive. You think your life is hard because you're a sad pathetic drunk? Try getting half your body burned by your fucking dad'. I yelled. No. I screamed.
I had told myself I wouldn't get mad but i did anyways. 'Fede, I'm so sorry'. He immediately said. There was the apology I wasn't ready for. I wasn't ready to forgive him. 'I don't need your apology; it brings me nothing'. I whispered. He nodded and hid his face in both his hands. 'Nothing i can do that will ever fix this'. He whined. 'You could have been sober when you opened the door'. I snarled. 'But you're still the same empty shell'. He started to cry. I did not comfort him. I just watched him cry. 'I can't'. He winced as tears made his face soaked and red. 'Would you even want to get sober? Why didn't you ever go to rehab?'. He laughed like i said something dumb. 'Do you know how much that costs? You think i have that kind of money? Boy I can't even pay rent on time. I looked at it back in the days when you were still a teenager, but it's like 20.000 dollars; who in the fucking hell can afford that?'. I looked at him and then closed my eyes. Did i want to do this? 'I can afford it'. I whispered. He frowned, part of him wanted to know how i could afford it but he didn't ask. 'What are you saying?'.
I stood up and started to walk through the kitchen. 'If you want my forgiveness you have to get sober. If you really want it, I'll pay for it'. He shook his head. 'Fede, I can't ask that from you'. He shook his head. 'You're not asking, I'm offering. If you don't get sober, I'll walk out of this house right now and never come back, dad. I give you this one change and you better take it; I won't offer again'. He stared at me. 'Why are you helping me?'. God; i have been bad but please stand by me. This man is pushing my limits. 'No Fucking clue! Maybe it's because your still my dad or maybe part of me understands the way you feel'. He now stood up as well and walked up to me. 'I'll go, if it means you will talk to me one day without hating me'. I nodded, but i didn't know if we could ever go back to the happier days. 'Great, pack a bag; we're leaving right now'. His mouth dropped. 'Wait, now?'. I nodded. 'Hell yes. Do you think I'll come back to this dumb a second time to pick you up? Grab your stuff and let's fucking go'. He better listen, i was in charge now.

He sat next to me in the car with a bottle of water to sober him up a little. He looked at my car and then kept looking at me with a hundred unsaid question. 'Ask what you want to know'. I sighted, not handling the silence very well. This was a 45-minute drive so he better fill up some of that time. 'Did you become a mechanic?'. I shook my head. 'No, i make apps and sell them. But I'm kind of retired for now'. He laughed. 'Retired, you're not even thirty'. I nodded and smiled; now that we had established thing would go my way from now on i felt a little easier going. Don't get me wrong, i didn't forgive him yet. But i could maybe endure him. 'I'll probably work again in the future but i just have other priorities right now. I just became a father so that's kind of a big deal'. This did something to him. I could tell by the look on his face. 'You're a father?'. I nodded. 'A girl, you thought the child seat in the back was meant for you?'. I pointed at it. He turned around, looked and then laughed. 'Didn't even see it'. He said calmly. 'You married then?'. I looked at him. 'Not yet, things happened a little fast between us'. 'She a nice girl?'. He grinned. I forgot how nice it was to talk to my dad when he wasn't an ass. 'The nicest girl in the world'. He exhaled. 'Good, I remember how nice that felt. I miss your mother so much'. I looked at him and understood. 'I miss her too'. I admitted.

I stopped in front of a red light and grabbed my phone. Showed him my locked screen. I kept asking myself why i was being nice so him. I felt tired of being angry. I had endured enough pain. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to feel happy about anything and everything. I wanted to help him and i was probably the only person in this world that understood him and his problems. I would help him and if he couldn't help himself i would let it go. I could accept it if he couldn't be rescued but i would try and help him.
He looked at my screen and at first, he looked at the baby with a smile. Then he frowned in confusion and looked at me. 'That's Jade?'. I nodded. 'Yes, she is my girl'. I explained to him. 'That does not surprise me. You two were so close when you were younger. Boy, you need to marry her she waited long enough'. He joked and it was kind of was funny to me. 'I will once i find the right ring'. He looked at me and then pushed his hand down his shirt grabbing a silver necklace with a gold ring on it. I knew that ring; my mom's old wedding ring. 'Something like this?'. I felt my eyes fill up and looked away. 'How do you still have that? You didn't sell it?'. I tried getting a grip but i had to push my tears away. 'Never, it's the only thing i have left from your mother. Fede, if you want to give Jade this ring it's yours. Your mother would have wanted you to have it'. I nodded and laid my head against my steering wheel as people passed my car looking at me wondering why I wasn't driving off. 'Green light, Fed'. My dad said with a dry note to it. I nodded and quickly drove off. My dad took of the necklace and handed it to me. I looked at it and nodded, it was perfect. 'Thank you, dad'. He smiled and laid his warm hand on my shoulder. I couldn't remember the last time he had touched me without me flinching; it felt nice.

I drove up on the driveway. Jade was sitting on the front porch with Chiara in her arms. I had told her i was going to see my dad. So, when i got out of the car i could see the worry on her face. 'Hey handsome!'. She called for me as i walked up to her and took a seat next to them. 'Hello, my sexy baby momma'. I leaned in to kiss her. 'You look pretty calm'. She told me. 'I'm just happy to be home'. I exhaled deeply and closed my eyes. 'I'm proud of you'. I shook my head. 'It didn't go that flawless, I thought i would be calm and not care at all. But i felt bad for him'. She laid an arm around my neck. 'You're not someone who doesn't care; that's one of your best qualities, you care so much'. She smiled and curled her fingers through my hair. 'I have something to ask you'. I told her; my heart immediately started to pound. Her eyes fell on the ring i got out of my pocket as i got up from my seat and went on one knee. Her eyes went big as she started to rock Chiara like she wasn't sleeping already.

I took her free hand. 'Jade. You are, have been and always will be the one person i love. You have been by my side even when i made it incredibly difficult. You make me so incredibly happy. Please marry me and I'll promise you, i will try and make you happy until the day i die'. She nodded slowly. 'Fede, we'll grow old and grey together. Remember when you said that?' I laughed and did remember of course. With that I slid my mother's ring on her finger as my mouth found hers.

My life was truly perfect. If there ever was a time i felt hopeless i wished i could have seen this moment. Then i would have known every struggle would end up to this perfect moment with my lovely Jade.