Naruto Oneshots + Imagines

Teardrops (Kakashi Hatake x Iruka Umino)

It was in one of those psychology books that Iruka had always read- the fact that lonely people had the tendency to take longer baths and showers than the rest of the population... Something about the hot water acting as an artificial substitute for the emotional and physical warmth that lonely people didn't give or receive in their daily lives.

Kakashi took hot baths regularly- at least when his fiance, Iruka Umino, wasn't there. He'd done it for almost as long as he could remember as a weird means of coping with everything, but after his fiance had moved in, he'd stopped partaking in it as often as he had before, not wanting to risk the younger man seeing him emotional and raw; vulnerable.

It was something he did when he was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. He'd walk into the bathroom, leave the door open, run some water, and soak for a few hours. It was like an escape from the real world in the secluded space of his bathtub, the door only left open to remind him that he could get up and leave whenever he wanted.

Something about the hot water was familiar and comforting in a haunting way, scalding just enough to make him hurt without actually doing any damage, the bright red that it would temporarily turn his skin barely noticeable.

Times like these were the only times he allowed himself to cry. He was alone, blocked off from the world, and no one was around to see him being so weak. So, he'd let a few tears slip, maybe a couple of sobs, and if he was especially pent up, he'd punch the porcelain enameled cast iron material that the small tub consisted of once or twice- never hard enough to do any serious damage, but definitely hard enough to channel some of his pent up emotions.

The water was slowly losing heat, its temperature cooler than that of Kakashi's pale skin. Dark eyes fell to his own body, completely bare and available for him to scrutinize. He scolded himself in the back of his mind for not putting bubbles in when he'd been running the water, hating the sight of all of the little curves and ridges that made up his body; every silver hair on his head, every finger on his hands and toe on his feet, the way his chapped lips felt against his tongue, down to every little mole and scar that littered his face and arms.

Cold, wet fingers traced over his scars at the same time the tears cascaded down his face and fell when they met the point between his lower cheek and his jawline, some falling down into the clear water that submerged his body and others opting to roll down the length of his neck.

All of his scars were ugly, he thought. Painful reminders of both things that could have been and things that shouldn't have been.

By the time his fingers finally made it to his face, the pointer carefully trailing up his left cheek, his entire body was shaking. When his fingertip brushed against the bottom of the vertical scar that went down the length of his left eye, he jerked his hand back at the feeling of it. To many, it wasn't something to be self-conscious about, but Kakashi saw it as a chasm of ragged, healed skin that was a subservient reminder of his own failures- or, in short, something that he should definitely be self-conscious about.

Almost as if snapping out of a trance, the silver-haired man pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and burying his face in his lower thighs in an attempt to comfort himself, able to feel the water skim across the bottom of his chin.

He tensed upon hearing the door open, lifting his head as his eyes snapped up to meet those of his lover; brown, tired, and full of worry the second that the situation registered. They both froze and allowed a few seconds to pass, Iruka clearly trying to figure everything out, Kakashi debating on what move he should make or what excuse he should give for looking so terribly pitiful, sitting in a bathtub full of cold water so late at night- or, rather, so very early in the morning. He wasn't quite sure what time it was due to how he'd been sitting in the bathtub with nothing but his own thoughts to keep him company for hours on end.