Days of Chaos: A Marvel/DC Multiversal Crisis

Prologue: Anything You Can Destroy, I Can Destroy Bigger

The Joker wasn't one for spectacle, or so he claimed. Sure, he loved the praise, explosions, and bone-soothing screams of children dying in a burning orphanage. The ol' meat and potatoes of the job. The bacon he brought home. But his favorite part of his job as Gotham's resident catastrophe artist came before the big hurrah. The planning and staging. The signing of contracts. The murdering of the people he signed contracts with once a job was completed. Some people found this all very tedious. Who wants to go over toxin budgets with an accountant to make sure you could afford to make enough Joker Poison (patten-pending) to deform all the fish in Gotham's harbor?

Joker loved it. The sign of a negative dollar amount for his latest piece of art sent bolts of joy into his cerebrum and his high voltage handshake buzzer—Joker Joltz (patten-pending). But, of course, a negative dollar amount meant a trip to the bank. He even helped the Batman, only knocking over banks that the Marone or Falcone families owned. After all, he was a concerned citizen of Gotham City.

But it used to be so much easier before that damn teleporting demon "mutant" - whatever that was - moved into Gotham. Batman was a grown man dressed as a bat, and people were terrified of him. This...Nightcrawler...an actual demon, with a tail, and all of Gotham loved him. They called him "the Hero Gotham Always Needed." Poor Batsy. No wonder he hasn't been seen in years. However, maybe Joker could rectify that situation. Considering his lunch guest, he might be able to rectify quite a lot with this bland new world.

"So, if I'm understanding this right, you're supposed to be my god?" Joker asked.

Across from him, in a green suit, Loki shook his crowned head. Joker loved the absurdity. A civilian suit with an Asgardian tiara. Maybe Loki belonged in Gotham after all. 

"Not quite," the god replied. "We little g gods don't require the worship of the big g's and their delicate towers of ego. Thor is Thor, Ares is Ares - "

Joker cut him off. "But, didn't your side bring over a Thena instead of Athena? So now we have two running around."

"Thena isn't a god."

"So she can die?"

"If it suits our purposes." Loki smiled.

Joker smiled back. "Oh, we do think the same, don't we?"

Loki manifested a small dagger and stirred his coffee. "Well, that's just what I wanted to get to. We are very similar, sure. But there's one key difference."

Joker slumped back in his chair. "I have better hair?"

Loki smirked at that, then, with the slight twirl of his fingers, the cafe around them crumbled apart. Day turned into night and then to a hellish red. Buildings crumbled around them, and the barista started screaming, gripping the espresso maker as if it would protect him.

Loki swirled his fingers the other way, and everything returned to normal. "I have the power of a god. You have an empty piggy bank."

The Joker mocked a shocked look. "How did you know I hid my money in GCPD Central?!"

Loki sipped his coffee and nodded a little. "Well, what do you think you could do with my powers?"

Joker scrunched his face. "I think that would take all the fun out of it. Part of the art is the struggle for the art."

"But," Loki countered, "wouldn't my power just give you a bigger canvas? You terrorize Gotham a few times a year, sometimes you branch out to Metropolis. What if you could do what you do to four blocks of Gotham to four different Earths in the multiverse?"

This got Joker's attention. Indeed, he did feel that he needed more of a challenge. You can only release clouds of arsenic in a nunnery so many times before the critics call you washed up. Coincidentally, one of those critics should be washing up in the Gotham harbor right about now.

"What's the squeeze?" Joker asked, grabbing his chocolate croissant and gripping it so tight that the chocolate began to squeeze out of his hand.

"I want to play a game," Loki replied.

Joker rolled his eyes. "I'm not the Riddler. Do your multiversal homework, god."

"Oh, I know. But I think you'll like this one. It's very simple but also elegant - just like you are."

"Okay," Joker replied, licking the chocolate off his fingers. "What's the game?"

Loki swirled his hand again, but instead of destruction, he revealed a floating orb. In it, Joker saw various heroes and new teams fading in and out. Superman and the X-Men. The warring kings of Atlantis. The two regents of Themyscira, Princess Diana of the Amazons and her wife, Ororo Munroe of Krakoa. And then the one pairing that really soured his mood. The poly-triad of his old flame, Harley Quinn, the woman she left him for, Poison Ivy, and some idiot named Deadpool - a grotesque, hideous thing that would never stop joking. If Harley was trying to kick Joker in his juggling balls, she couldn't have picked a more hideous clown.

"Ever since the crisis between our worlds merging ended, things have gotten..."

"Boring? Dull? Saltless Philly pretzels? Hal Joran's whole thing?"

Loki tipped his crown to Joker. "Exactly. There are no symphonies anymore. Remember that grand opera of Darkseid and Thanos? It was majestic, but it brought everyone together, and now it's just...like you said, it's all become as interesting as Hal Jordan's diary."

"Hal Jordan keeps a diary?" Joker replied.

Loki grimaced. "It's dreadfully boring. When Norrin Radd talks about traveling through space, it's with a poet's tongue. I surfed the ionic rivers of the cosmos, bathing in the dark matter of time and space, feeling suns birth and die in distances beyond my vision. That kind of thing. Hal Jordan? He writes about traveling through space with poetic abilities that would make your friend Killer Croc sound like Maya Angelou. Today, I traveled through space. It was cool. So majestic."

It was Joker's turn to grimace. "I always thought Superman was the most boring superhero. Then I met Hal Jordan."

"We have Captain America. Hal made me appreciate the Adonis in patriotic BDSM gear."

Joker laughed - a shrieking repetition that made the barista hug his espresso machine again.

"Anyway, we're off-topic. I want to bring back the bad old days, you know? Get this universe lively again. And I think you want the same."

Joker nodded. "I miss my Bat-buddy."

Loki nodded. "Here's the game. We're both going to cause as much chaos and destruction as possible. Whoever causes the most mischief and mayhem wins."

This sounded like fun. "And you're offering your power as the prize?"

Loki shook his head. "No, as a tool. Equal playing field."

Joker waved him off. "I don't need it. I bet I can turn this universe inside out through the kiester without any power, better than you could even dream to."

Loki's eyes widened in respect. "Well, then, what do you want to play for?"

Joker rested his elbow on the table and propped up his head. "This is serious business. People are going to die - we could both die doing this. So the prize has to be something grand and spectacular. Something gods and kings and Kardashians would fight over."

They exchanged glances and looked over to the frightened barista.

"Loser buys coffee?" Loki offered.

"Agreed," Joker smiled back. They shook hands.

The game was on.