Always You

19

*Mari

"So you're having an abortion??" I heard Indigo asked

I stopped in my tracks. I bit my top lip.

"I don't know..." I finally said

"You said you'll never have an abortion..." she said

"You don't want anything to do with it..." I said looking at her
"Why does it matter??" I asked softly

"It doesn't..." she said

When she said that it felt like someone stabbed me in my chest. I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't. I closed my mouth back and went into the room. I closed the door with tears rolling down my face. It literally felt like someone was stabbing me in my chest. I walked to the balcony to get some air cuz it felt like I couldn't breathe. I opened the balcony and stepped out. I took 2 deep breaths as more tears came down.

She just showed me right there. It doesn't matter, she doesn't care. SHE DOESN'T FUCKING CARE!! It doesn't matter about me or this baby.

I stood on the balcony and let my emotions out. Once I was done, I went back in and took a hot shower. I bathe, got out, moisturized myself, slipped on a big shirt and some shorts. After that, I got in bed and took me a long nap.

________
3 HOURS LATER

I woke up to somebody calling my name.

"What??" I asked to whoever it was cuz I didn't turn around or nun

"You should start getting ready. We leave at 8 and it's 6:30..." Liyah said

"Okay..." I pulling the cover over my body more

"Mari get up..." she said pulling the cover off me

"I wanna sleep..." I whined

"Come on get ready for dinner..." she said and I shook my head
"I'll buy you dessert..."

I raised up and looked at her with a smile. She laughed and sat beside me.

"What you wearing??" She asked

I stood up and showed her my outfit. I had some black leather pants, white collared crop top, and some cute white sandals.

"I love that shirt..." she said grabbing it

"Thanks, I bought it from rue 21..." I said sitting beside her
"I think I wanna put on some makeup tonight..."

"You should..." she said and I nodded
"Well I'll leave you to it. I need to get ready too..."

She left out and I got up. I grabbed my makeup bag and went into the bathroom. I put my hair back, cleaned my face, and started. I only did a light beat and put some more lashes on. I went into the room, rubbed some body cream on,then I slid on my clothes. I went into the mirror and fixed them to my liking. I turned around and I looked good.

I admired myself in the mirror with a smile. I haven't felt like myself in almost a month and tonight I felt like myself kinda. Despite what was going on I felt good, I felt beautiful, and I looked great.

I sat down, lotioned up my feet, and slid on my shoes. I went into my bag, put on some deodorant, clean from around my belly piercings, and sprayed on some perfume. After that, I changed my purse and put my phone on charger. I watched tv until they told us it was time to go. I grabbed my phone, my purse, and headed out with the rest. It's was so ironic that everybody had on black and white. We got in the van and headed to the restaurant. The restaurant was like 45 minutes away from the house. Once we made it, I went first to tell them the name and stuff. The hostess led them to the room and I went to the bathroom. I did my business, watched my hand, and came out. I went to the room and everybody was seated. It was 2 chair left open. One was beside Indigo and the other one was beside Rhythm, it was between her and Liyah. I walked to the seat by Rhythm and sat down. I sat down and looked at her. She got up and went to the chair on the other side of Indigo. I was stuck for a min cuz that legit hurt my feelings. I bit my lips to compose myself and just looked at the menu to keep my emotions at a minimum. I felt Liyah touch my knee, I looked at her and her eyes held so much sorrow for me. I just gave her a small smile before looking back at the menu. While looked at the menu, I felt someone staring so I looked up. I didn't see anybody so I turned to the side and Indigo was looking at me. She was looking into my eyes like she was tryna read me. I'm sure she saw all the hurt I held cuz at the moment, hurt was all I felt. I looked back down at the menu but the tears started coming into my eyes. I started blanking but they wouldn't go away.

"Excuse me..." I said before grabbing my purse and getting up

I went back to the bathroom and went into the last stall. I grabbed tissue up put it up to my eyes to soak up the tears that fell. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. My throat was burning cuz I just wanted to break down but I wasn't going to allow myself.

I heard the bathroom door open.

"Mari..." I heard Aja say

"You can go back I'll be out in a minute..." I said

"You okay??" I heard T asked

"Yeah, can y'all just go..." I said

I felt my throat getting worst. I felt like couldn't breath. I started taking deep breath but it wasn't helping. I opened the stall and rushed out to the entrance. I needed some air. I stepped outside and took a deep breath. I was breathing heavy. Every time I get like that I can't breath. A few seconds later Aja and T came out.

"You okay??" T asked turning me to her

I didn't looking in her eyes and nodded.

"Mari..." I heard Aja

"I'm trying Aja. I'm trying to forgive myself. I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm trying to be happy. I'm trying to not let it affect me. I'm trying to ignore it but this shit is hurting me..." I said as tears rolled down my eyes

"Mari I know. I know you're trying..." Aja said coming up behind me

"Can't do this..." I said softly

"Yes you can. You got to fight for your family..." T said

"I can't fight when they are pulling away from me..." I said turning around looking at them

They both gave me a sad look and I shook my head. Sick of it. I can't keep going through this. This isn't healthy for me or the baby right now.