Let's Not Stay Away Anymore (Kaimelia)

2: Let's not stay away anymore

"Dr. Shepherd?" Kai uttered after opening the door of their hotel room to find a wide-eyed Amelia standing there, nervously fiddling with her fingers.

"Hey."

"I don't remember telling you where I was staying," a tiny smirk crawled up Kai's mouth, while their eyes seemed unchanged.

"I asked Meredith. And she didn't know. So I asked David, and he asked someone who knew, I guess."

"Okay. Would you like to come in?" Kai stepped away from the door, opening it wider, gesturing for Amelia to enter.

"Thank you," she muttered, awkwardly passing Kai on her way into the room. 

It smelled like them. Taking a quick look around, the place was perfectly tidy, except a row of coffee mugs surrounding the laptop, papers strewn about around those, and a blanket thrown over the chair by the desk where Kai had clearly been settled in to work.

"Would you like some tea? Coffee?" Kai offered. "Or orange juice? I finally found a store around here, so I'm fully stocked these days."

Amelia could tell Kai was eager to hear the reason for her visit, cautiously observing her face from the other side of the room.

"No thank you, I can't stay long," she lied. In fact, she wanted nothing more than to stay. To feel close again, to remain in their orbit, for as long as humanly possible.

Kai nodded, and didn't say anything else. Amelia knew she'd have to speak, to explain herself, but all that came out was, "So you and Helm?"

Kai's eyebrow shot up, their expression unreadable, "Man, people really talk around here, don't they?" Amelia saw another smirk appear on Kai's face, this time their eyes following.

"All I had to do was leave for less than 48 hours to properly hand off the care of my cat to my mom. He's the closest thing she has to a grandchild, the poor woman." One of those classic Kai half-smiles had now fully overtaken their face.

While Kai could see Amelia wasn't in a mood to joke around, they also didn't know what else to do. Why is she here? She encourages me to go out with other people, avoids me for days, but doesn't like it when I listen? Regardless, it was nothing with Helm anyway.

"The other night," Amelia broke the silence, looking away from Kai, "I took a walk. And ended up at a bar. I didn't go in, but I thought about it. I- I stood there for quite a while, thinking about it..." she trailed off, looking back up at Kai, who had moved closer to hear her better.

"I thought about having a drink, just one, I thought... I thought maybe then I'd remember why I work so hard to sabotage the good things in my life. That, or maybe I'd forget why I felt the way I did when I heard Helm saying you two had kissed."

"But you didn't," Kai said softly, after a brief moment of silence.

"No, I didn't."

Suddenly, the shyness was gone. The secret was out, and Amelia no longer thought it impossible to look at Kai. Her eyes stayed fixated on their face, seemingly the only place in the whole wide world with answers.

"Do you want me to tell you what happened with Dr. Helm?" Now Kai wasn't taking their eyes off Amelia either, both of them locked completely in their world.

"You don't have to make excuses, I-," Amelia started, but was interrupted, "No, I wouldn't be making excuses, there's nothing to make excuses for. I'd be telling you."

"Okay."

"Okay. Would you like to sit?" Kai asked, much softer, gentler than before. They'd realized both of them had been standing this whole time.

"Sure," Amelia nodded, moving to one of the two armchairs in the corner of the room. Kai sat down on the other one.

"Dr. Helm has been helping me in the lab over the past little while," Kai started, their voice low and soft, their gaze glued to Amelia the whole time. "Frankly, I needed help. Everyone's done their best to accommodate the project here, but we're missing a lot of the equipment, and with you..." Kai trailed off, taking a sip of their tea. How it had appeared in their hands, Amelia for the life of her couldn't say. "...with you being..." Kai's eyes once again locked with Amelia's, the intensity of their stare almost paralyzing her.

"Away?" Amelia muttered.

"Away," Kai nodded, not taking their eyes off of her for a single second. "So she said some of the residents would be going out, and asked if I wanted to join. And since Dr. Grey has had her hands full, and you've been wherever you've been, I thought I'd take your advice and experience Seattle a bit more. Make friends."

"Makes sense."

"Yeah. So we went out. Some of them were singing karaoke, but I- I didn't necessarily have the song in my heart that night," God. Here's that smile again, Amelia thought, "so I had a few drinks, tried to find common ground with a few surgical residents - a sentence I never thought I'd say, and then I left."

That's not the end of it, Amelia thought. You're leaving out the part where you kissed someone else.

"And when I got up to leave, the, well, rather intoxicated Dr. Helm kissed me goodnight." Kai exhaled, "That's it. That's the whole story."

After a brief silence, Amelia fiddling with her fingers again, unsure of how to proceed, of why she had come and demanded an explanation in the first place, blurted, "Well, can't really blame Helm, you have that effect on women."

"What effect?" They're making me say it. Of course.

"They can't help but kiss you."

Kai's playful smile had transformed into a deep expression, one of softness and calm. That's one of the things Amelia found so attractive about Kai - their ability to make one feel so safe while being so vulnerable. Devoid of judgment, Amelia didn't feel like a silly highschooler confessing these things to Kai, like a fumbling girl in love. They made honesty so easy.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about kissing a different doctor the whole time."

Amelia suddenly realized her world didn't seem to be spinning so fast anymore. With a bit of confidence regained after that statement, waves of warmth filling her chest, Amelia looked out the window, "You know, what I said at the bar... I was scared. I have previously jumped in when it was too soon to jump, I've burned myself on the fires set by those decisions. I didn't want the same thing to happen to us, so I thought staying away would help."

"Did it?"

"No."

"Amelia..." Kai's words echoed in her ears. This is the first time they've called me by my first name. Would it be weird if I asked them to do it again?

"Amelia," Kai repeated as if they knew, their head tilted slightly to the side, almost to look deeper into her eyes, "you said you needed space, and I gave you space." They look so serious all of a sudden. "I will never not respect your boundaries. But when- if you decide you don't want me to stay away anymore, just say the word."

Silence.

"I don't want you to stay away anymore."

"Alright." Kai's hand moved to tap the space on the chair beside them, however small, and Amelia rose to join them, having to squeeze herself even smaller to not fully lay on their lap, immediately reaching to graze Kai's cheek with her fingers.

"You were really jealous there for a second, huh?" There was the wide, charming smile Amelia had grown to know as Kai feeling comfortable, at ease - their confident, sweet self. Amelia swatted at their shoulder with the same hand that had just touched their cheek, and snuggled closer, leaving her hand resting on them, finally also resting her head on their chest.

She felt their arms wrap around her, and caught herself unable to fathom how anyone, ever, would want to be anywhere else.

"I really was, wasn't I."

"I'm really glad we worked it out."

"Me too," Amelia whispered as she felt her eyes get heavier and her whole body relaxing into Kai's, "let's not stay away anymore."