Let's Not Stay Away Anymore (Kaimelia)

1: The full Seattle experience

Amelia stepped into the elevator at the hospital, only vaguely acknowledging the other people standing there. It had been a few weeks after the kiss, after Joe's bar, and not a single day had gone by without her wondering why she had worked so hard to convince Kai, to convince herself, that this wasn't the time for them.

"You deserve to have the full Seattle experience," she had said, "see other people, enjoy yourself."

Things with Link were too messy, she kept telling herself until she had convinced herself enough for it to pour over the genuine ease and excitement of being in Kai's presence.

There had been a momentary tortured expression on their face, however quickly controlled, as they averted their gaze, really only looking slightly above Amelia for the rest of the night, not at her. "If that's what you want,"  they had said. Or something along those lines at least, Amelia hadn't heard them fully, because, truth be told, as soon as she heard herself say what she said, she already wanted to take it back.

Since then, a temporary lab was set up for Kai at Grey Sloan, as David was still too weak to be moved, and Kai had more work to do. Amelia tried her best to avoid that floor, to avoid them, even taking a couple of days off to calm herself down. But now here she was, seeing Kai was ultimately inevitable, and she dreaded it as much as she craved it.

A voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"We kissed!"

Amelia slightly shook her head, only now realizing Helm and Schmitt were standing in front of her in the elevator.

"Yeah? I wonder what Dr. Grey will have to say about that," Schmitt responded with barely any expression in his voice, however appreciative of Helm's attempts to cheer him up. He was still fragile, this was his first day back, but Helm had been there for him through it all.

"It just happened! I asked them out for a drink, a couple of us were going, and since I've been helping them in the lab, it seemed more polite than anything else."

"I'm sure you asked out the dashing brain scientist because it was the polite thing to do," a weak grin appeared on Schmitt's face.

Had Kai taken her so seriously they'd gone out and found someone else so soon? Amelia couldn't wait to get off the elevator, she needed a moment, she needed to breathe.

Once out of there, she leaned against a wall, barely clocking her surroundings.

"Amelia?" She heard Mer's voice, "I wasn't sure you were coming in today, but I'm glad you did - Dr. Bartley left extensive directions for you before leaving for Minnesota. If we want to move the project along, I'd suggest you get on that."

"I didn't know they left," Amelia's voice was steady while her insides seemed to crush and crumble with every next sound she produced.

"Oh. Well, they're supposed to be back tomorrow night. Something about a cat."

___________

The day went by in a daze. Kai had indeed left careful and complicated directions, but in a room that already felt so inhabited by them, Amelia couldn't help but feel at least a little bit at peace, working undisturbed until it was time to go home again. She was almost happy no emergencies had required her attention that day, she didn't feel like operating for maybe the first time in her life.

"Dr. Shepherd!" Amelia heard a voice while packing up in the lab.

"Helm," she couldn't do much more than simply acknowledge her presence.

"I was coming to see if Dr. Bartley needed any help, but I guess I've messed up my days, and they're in Minnesota?"

"It appears so."

"Alright, I'm going to get out of your hair. Goodnight, Dr. Shepherd!"

As soon as she appeared, she was gone again. But Amelia's peace was disturbed. She went right back to feeling the way she had in the morning. I need to walk it off, clear my head, she thought.

Walking in the crisp Seattle evening, Amelia couldn't fight off the thoughts that had been avoided while working in the lab that day. Not just was she getting better at compartmentalizing, but she really did love the work. The brain was her first love, the love of her life. Then again, she never had believed there could only be one of these big, meaningful connections - soulmates, great loves, best friends...

Amelia stopped abruptly. As she stood, a couple of people poured out of the bar she was directly in front of. She smelled liquor on them. For a second she felt the warmth of the place, of the faces intoxicated, joyful, foolishly elated. She thought about going in. Just for a moment, to distance herself, to regain any semblance of comfort, to escape and disappear into something not up to her, something bigger than her.

She heard the group gleefully chatting surrounded by a cloud of cigarette smoke, as she walked away. 

It wouldn't fix anything. She wanted to see Kai. 

She would see Kai as soon as they got back.