His sunflower

Chapter 10

Skylar's POV

I was lying on my bed, sobbing. I couldn't believe that he used me like that. When he left me in that room, I was a crying mess. I went downstairs and wanted to leave but Laura found me. She didn't ask any questions about what happened. She knows that I will tell her when I'm ready. She called a taxi, holding me tight during the whole ride. She is the best support and it's so good to know that you have people that always have your back. She wanted to stay with me but I managed to whisper that I'd rather be alone and she did as I asked.

I was wondering, why people can't stand being around me in the long run. Maybe I'm too annoying? Or too boring? I lost so many people in my life. It seems like, everything and everyone tries to tell me that I'm not good enough. And the worst part is, that I think I'm starting to believe them. I don't want to meet new people or be in a relationship because I know that they all are temporal. I hate getting close to people. I always regret caring too much, sharing too much or feeling too much. Sometimes it's better to be alone.

No one can hurt you.

I'm a really confusing person. Maybe that's why people don't stick around for too long. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy. I feel everything at once, then feeling paralising numb. I want to be alone to avoid being hurt, but at the same time I want love. I want to have someone who will be there for me, who will care, ask me how my day was and simply love me. Forever.

I heard a knock on the door but I didn't get up or say anything. There was no strength in me. I knew it was Laura who was knocking. She opened the door slowly and walked up to my bed, sitting on it.

"Hey." She said while brushing my calf gently with the back of her hand. "How are you feeling?"

I was silent. Salty tears were rolling down my cheek again. My breathing was slow, the complete opposite to my increasingly beating heart.

Just thinking about today's events makes me feel that strange feeling in my stomach again. The feeling that is always present when I go through something difficult in my life. I have got used to it now, I guess. It has been with me for as long as I can remember.

"Why people hurt other people?" I finally asked, sitting straight up on my bed. "I mean, I get that I don't deserve some things or some people in my life but why do they have to end things in such a hurtful way? Why do they give us hope that something is possible, that something is real, and that it will last, but then they just..." I sobbed as my lip began to tremble slightly.

Tears started to collecting in my eyelashes, making it difficult to see. I brought up my small hand to rub my eyes.

"Skylar, please listen to me." Laura said, sitting in front of me with her hands on my knees."You are important and you matter, and you sure as hell deserve everything in the world. Just because some people can't appreciate it, it's their fault. Many say that love is painful, but it's people who don't know how to love us make us feel like that."

"See? That's the problem with me. Despite all those amazing words you just said to me, I still don't belive it because so many people told me otherwise. I push everyone away because it's easier way to do. Because I don't know how to let someone get close to me."

I brought my hands to my eyes, covering them. It's such a stupid feeling, missing someone who doesn't miss you.

"Shh...it's okay. " Laura sat beside me and laid my head on her knees. She started stroking my hair gently.

"Noo, your trousers will be wet." I mumbled, trying to get up but she put my head back on her lap.

"I don't give a shit about my trousers. Just cry, let everything out. Maybe it seems stupid but crying can actually help. If I remember correctly from my classes, crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins. These chemicals can help ease both, physical and emotional pain."