I can be a better boyfriend then him~ C.H

Hurting bones || eight

You know that feeling that you feel so empty? Like you don't know how you feel so empty maybe from all the stress or you just need to think about nothing for some minutes.

Almost like you are a ghost. Invisible and no feelings but still feels so alive. You don't think about the bad thing that just happened to you, nothing plays around in your mind it's just empty. Your heart is empty, everything is so empty.

When u got through the most horrible thing and you're just at the edge till you feel this feeling and all the bad thoughts fly away like it never happened and it's just you and the air around you. It may sounds so stupid but when you go through something that really affected you, then you might recognize this.

Cause this " feeling " is exactly what Cassie is feeling after hearing the one she loves the most talking about how she made love with someone else, and the someone else is someone who ruined your life. She truly loves Maddy and it hurts so bad seeing her all excited about someone else she loves. She just wants to be the one Maddy loves but she can't do anything about it but try to avoid this feelings since she won't get a chance with Maddy knowing her heart desires for Nate Jacobs.

- Cassie Howard -

I couldn't stand it any longer hearing her talk so sweetly about the most horrible person that ever excised and how they made love.

They are toxic and shouldn't be together but who am i judging that when I'm the one who falls in love with all the bad guys, I can't judge Maddy knowing I felt the same towards the same guy.

But it still hurts when you explain your feelings to them but they act like you never said it and go back to someone who hurt him not even a day ago. So when she was about to tell about how she made love I couldn't hold it any longer and sprinted home, feeling like a ghost with nothing running through my mind.

I wish this feeling would last till I die but it always ends when i need it the most.

So when I arrived home i ran upstairs locking the bathroom door. Not that I was scared of someone coming in here but it just makes me feel safe, cause now I have some minutes to let go of my feelings and try to calm.

Just breath in Cassie like dad told you and breath out when you think of the bad thought getting shattered to pieces, and breath out and repeat, repeat till all the bad thoughts are completely shattered to pieces of dirt. Now just a glass of cold water and tomorrow school which means forced to see her face again holding his hands with the brightest smile she ever wore, just what I needed right?

I just wished I could throw all my feelings out and just live my normal life again. But that isn't possible so I have to deal with this shit if I like it or not.

I have to proof that I can be a happy person without dad or else I would disappoint my young self so so much and I can't do that, cause young me had giving me the best time I can't give a bad ending in return.

I just need to close my eyes and dream about a better life so I can at least be happy somewhere. And just when I want to close my eyes i realize my mom has still left some pills that my dad used years ago somewhere in the bathroom.

So I stand up from my bed and search through every cabinet, no results. Till i see a cabinet with a mirror on the front and jackpot, not touched in a red case packed.

I twist it open and right when I close my eyes, pill in my hand I hear a knock.

Lexi is a deep sleeper and mom is probably drunk asleep on the couch like almost always. So I have no choice but to hide the pill in my pocket and go downstairs to see who's here so late.

And just when I open the door I see the person who I last wanted to see today, the one who keeps giving me those annoying feelings I can't push away but I can't let me express them aka Maddy.
-
" hai, can I come in? " Maddy asks softly, which is weird Maddy always just opens the door with her spare key since she's always welcome here but she never knocks and be so gently, well except some weeks ago with the accident how she likes to call it. " sure " I answer cold I don't know why I'm being so mean I just can't control my feelings they are all getting mixed up with each other and I can't set them right. " look I don't know what I did today to upset you, cause u never leave so randomly but I'm sorry " Maddy speaks up following Cassie to the kitchen. " i was just not feeling well don't apologize ".

" Cassie you always lower your voice when your lying can you at least tell me the truth of what I did? "

Again silence

" I'm sorry okay? I don't know why you're acting so strange but at least tell me what I did to hurt you, you own me that " Maddy speaks again getting frustrated.

" love " was all what Cassie could blur out.

" what? Love? What do you mean ? " Maddy asks even more frustrated when she got no answer.

" you made me love you and now I can't push the feelings away " Cassie says quietly.

" oh... I'm sorry I don't know what to say? Are you talking about the accident? Do you feel used? What's wrong? Maddy asks again.

" about everything, you give me this feelings like I'm gonna explode and the night of the accident I told you them but a week later you're back with Nate and I still can't help but love you! " Cassie finally has the urge to scream the things she wanted too.

" well we can try to get rid of them? " Maddy says still shocked about the words her best friend told her.

"How Maddy? You can't just say go away feelings it isn't that easy, at least not for me "

" do I have your constant? " Maddy finally speaks up after thinking for some minutes.

" why? " Cassie asks confused.

" do you trust me? Do I have your constant for what I'm about to do? "

" yes? " Cassie answers still unsure of what's gonna happen but before she knows it her lips lock with Maddy's.

Cassies breath quickened. Maddy dips her head further so she has more access. Their heads move roughly as they kiss. Maddy was passionate, and Cassie was eager. Cassie pushes her head more further to take the control. Lips touching each other, teeth clenching and both still holding on this moment like they want it to last forever.

And after some minutes Maddy pushes her head away which only makes Cassie eager for more. " one final kiss. One final kiss where you can express all your feelings and then it's done alright? " Maddy speaks up

But Cassie doesn't even have to answer and her lips are locked again with her best friend.
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