Moleman's Epic Rap Battles #13: L Lawliet Vs. L. Ron Hubbard

MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!

L...

...VS...

...L. RON HUBBARD!!!

BEGIN!!!

L. Ron Hubbard:

I thought this guy's supposed to be some freaky savant,

But all I see's a giant letter in some fancy-schmancy font!

You're the single most Suppressive Person that I've ever seen,

Or at least, you would be, if you didn't hide behind a screen!

Show your face, and while you're at it, bring along your hermit author,

To properly face L.R.H. and get Bennetta Slaughtered!

I have high, high hopes of smashing you so violently,

You'll be left wishing your momma had aborted you silently!

I've traveled the whole world over, from Asia to Alaska.

When it comes to new religious movements, I am The Master,

Just like my homeboys in the States are masters of infiltration,

Penetrating the very nation through our Snow White Operation!

We're the closest to a real Illuminati that exists,

So back off, lest you end up on our enemies list!

Man, a large chunk of Hollywood is under my control;

We'll find you, take you to Gold Base, and throw you in the Hole!

L Lawliet:

Let me give you a rundown of some unfunny truths:

Forget Batman and Holmes; I'm the world's greatest sleuth...

...Not that I need to be to see right through your global scam.

"Bare-faced Messiah"? Try "Outright Madman"!

You're as crazy as Kira, and that's no mystery;

My suspicion that I'll beat you: 100% certainty!

You're a crappy lieutenant, and a sub-par writer, too;

Your work is fanfic-level; you even married a Mary Sue!

And speaking of "sue", I know better than to show my face

To a coward who meets every criticism with a court case!

You may have gotten the first move, but you're still gonna lose.

I'll leave you childishly jumping up and down like Tom Cruise!

No, I wouldn't call it a "cult", this little group of yours.

That would be an insult to films like "Rocky Horror"!

And for all the wealth you've siphoned, your legitimate worth

Is less than the box office gain from "Battlefield Earth"!

L. Ron Hubbard:

Hey, I'm an Operating Thetan; I invented Dianetics.

With all that sugar you've eaten, you're a latent diabetic!

You're a stalky, chalky weirdo, so don't get cocky.

Forget Wammy House; you're in Hubbard House now, Ryuzaki!

We'll relieve the Jap' Task Force of this Potential Trouble Source,