The Letter

First of All, a Letter:

Dear Olivia,

We've never been close, but you helped save Eli's life as well as my own. I also know that you've had Elliot's back for over a decade, so I suppose it's only fair that I tell you before we leave.

I know Elliot's been ignoring your calls and texts. He became almost silent after the shooting, and while I don't know entirely what happened, I understand why he would be upset. He didn't sleep at all for several days after, and he slept very little for a long time after that. He had nightmares several times, and he woke up screaming. He never would talk to me about them.

For a while, he would spend a great deal of time just sitting and watching Eli. He did the same when Maureen and Kathleen came to visit, as if he was afraid they would disappear into thin air if he didn't watch them closely. Liz and Rich had been tiptoeing around the house, avoiding him. I think they were afraid for him, and that's how I knew it was time.

I've no doubt that Cragen has informed you of Elliot's decision by now. It was time for him to put in his papers. Special victims took a lot out of him, and he needed to leave before it took what was left. I'll never understand how a person could deal with seeing those crimes every day, especially for so long, and I wish I could have convinced Elliot to leave the unit earlier.

He seems lighter now, as if a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, but this city...he'll always feel guilty for leaving the job, as if he hasn't earned it. He was offered a liaison job in Rome, and he accepted it. We're moving in a week.

I only have one request of you, and Olivia, please understand that this is what's best for everyone:

Do not contact Elliot ever again.

He was your partner for many years, but that's all it was. Elliot's a good man, and he fiercely protects his family. Over the years I've had to accept what it means that he so fiercely protects you as well. You have to understand, though he may have given you cause to think differently, that you and Elliot were partners but you were never anything more to him than that. Elliot and I have had our difficulties over the years, but we have Eli, and we want to work on our marriage. This move will be a fresh start.

I hope you'll understand that this is what's best for everyone, and I wish the best for you. You and Elliot were holding each other back. He told me you wanted kids, and I imagine that some day you'll have some, that you'll find that good man you deserve.

Goodbye. Thank you for everything.

Kathy