Childish

38

I didn't know what to think about Naomi moving in and being pregnant. Were they going to get married? Were they going to force me to call her 'mommy' and ignore the fact that she hadn't been seeing Alex for very long? It all seemed so... rushed.

Was that normal in Alpine?

I struggled to sleep that night. My mind was racing and I couldn't get rid of the sadness that I'd been feeling ever since they told me the horribly awful news.

I clutched my bunny to my chest as I lay in my crib. I'd only gotten a few hours of sleep before Alex was waking me up the next morning.

He lifted me out of my crib and lightly tugged on my bunny's ear. "You're using your bunny?"

I laid my head on his shoulder. "I couldn't let my bear get all the attention."

He nodded slowly and I didn't think he bought my shitty excuse. He knew me better than that.

He finished getting me ready and carried me downstairs. He grabbed my diaper bag from beside the door and slung it over his shoulder.

"Is Naomi here?" I asked.

He opened the door and stepped out into the cool morning air. "She went home last night. She thought you might want a little bit of a break."

I felt bad that Naomi was leaving when she probably wanted to spend time with Alex. She had her own thoughts and feelings, too, and maybe I wasn't respecting them in return. It was a cycle that was just bad all around.

Alex unlocked his car before he opened the backseat door. He set the diaper bag on the floor before he lifted me into my car seat. He looked like he'd gotten little sleep the previous night also.

He took a step away from me once I was buckled in and he sighed. "I know this is hard on you, Lyla. We weren't planning for a kid since we had you and that was still new for Naomi. But we want to make this work. For us, for you, for this new baby..."

I stared at my bunny, feeling a tightening in my chest. "Is she gonna move in?"

"I'd like her to. It would make things easier on her."

I nodded and gripped my bunny tighter so he wouldn't see my hands shake.

"I really want you to be okay with this, Lyla. This is a good change for us."

I was having a hard time seeing how this change was good. Naomi was just pushing her way into our family and, even worse, she was bringing a new baby with her. I was supposed to be the baby. Just me. Now our family was falling apart and I didn't feel like I was meant to be in it.

Alex ran his fingers over my bear before he gave me a small smile. "We still have nine months before the baby comes. I hope that'll be enough time for us to get used to the thought of having a baby around." He shut the door and walked around to his side of the car.

I tightened my grip on my bear and blinked as tears filled my vision and flooded my eyes.

I wasn't his baby anymore?

---

"Goodnight, Lyla." Alex pushed the blanket around me and tucked me in. He patted my bunny before he left the room.

I listened to his footsteps as they disappeared into the hallway and to his bedroom. I heard the door move until it was almost closed.

I rolled onto my side and stared at the wooden bars of my crib. I needed some respite from the spiraling that was going on inside my head. I knew my thoughts were irrational but I still couldn't shake the thought that Alex didn't need me. That Naomi didn't need me. They were having a new baby that could easily replace me and make their family whole.