Childish

51

Somehow, I was still awake when we got to Monica's house. Her porch lights were on to illuminate the ramp that led to the small porch. Her home was smaller than Alex's was but it looked cozy. The ramp was added recently.

Ty got me out of the backseat and followed Monica up the ramp and to the door. She unlocked it and pushed it open.

"Lyla, you can sleep with me. I don't toss in my sleep so you'll have plenty of room."

"Where's Ty gonna stay?"

"I'll sleep on the couch. I really don't mind." Ty carried me into the shared bedroom and set me down on the bed. He lifted the blankets back. "Do you have what you need to sleep?"

"My bunny is in my diaper bag." I should have left it at home but I knew if I was going to be away for a few days, I'd need all my essentials. Just bringing my bear wouldn't cut it.

"I'll go grab it. You better lie down. You're going to be tired tomorrow so you need all the sleep you can get tonight."

I kicked my legs under the blanket and slid back until my head hit the pillow. The bed wasn't as comfortable as my crib but it would do for the night. I had slept in worse places before.

Monica came out of the bathroom and wheeled herself over to a dresser that sat on the wall to the right of the bed. "Alex said you have school in the morning. Ty and I will drop you off and pick you up."

I frowned. I was so used to Alex picking me up that the thought of anyone else doing it made me sad. I'd gotten used to seeing him at the end of every day. It was familiar. I wasn't used to either of them yet.

But maybe this was part of the plan for me. Maybe all these tough moments and challenges were all meant to teach me how I was supposed to act and who I was supposed to be. My parents had said from the moment we moved to Alpine that I needed to get used to the way things were and just accept it. Maybe I truly hadn't done that and now this was a test for me to actually follow through. Maybe it was my karma.

Things with Alex had been so easy. It didn't start that way but as I got used to being with him, we fell into a happy rhythm that was comfortable for me. But he never set rules or boundaries with me and now I was paying the price. Now, I was being forced to follow rules and listen to the adults around me without complaint. Monica wasn't going to make things easy on me and maybe that was the way things should have been all along.

Ty walked into the room with my diaper bag. He set it on the floor beside the bed before handing my bunny over to me. "Is this all you need to go to sleep with?"

I nodded.

"Let us know if you need anything throughout the night."

My pacifier was still hanging from the collar of my shirt from when I went to bed the first time, back at Alex's. I lifted it and stuck the nipple in my mouth. I hardly used the pacifier but if it prevented me from having to talk, I'd use it. I rolled onto my side and watched as Monica went back to the bathroom. Ty followed her in and the door shut behind them.

A deep breath left my nose and I shut my eyes, hoping I could get some sleep before I had to go to school. I knew I'd be cranky and I just prayed it wouldn't come out when I was woken up.

---

Monica woke me up the next morning. She was already dressed and ready for work as she sat in her chair and waited for me to wake up.

I opened my eyes as she shook my shoulder. She wasn't antsy as she woke me up and I appreciated that. There was nothing worse than being woken up in a rush.

Between us lay my bunny. While I slept, it must have moved out of my grasp and laid on the bed away from me.

I quickly reached out and grabbed it, pulling it back into my arms where my bear still was. I would have rather lost my bear than my bunny.

"Are you ready to go to school? You can tell all your friends that you're having a sleepover."

"I don't have any friends."

She frowned. "You don't have any kids that you play with?"

I shook my head.

"We'll have to change that. You need someone to be friends with that isn't me or Alex."

"I guess so."

She lifted the blanket off of me and lifted my diaper bag onto the bed. "It's nice to have someone your own age that understands you. Alex and I were so sheltered growing up that once we found friends and people we had things in common with, we felt like we fit in more."

"But I'm different than all of the kids here."

"You're a baby, Lyla. It can't be that hard." She slid the clean diaper under me before she untaped the one I was currently wearing.

I rolled my eyes. She didn't know the struggle I was faced with. I wasn't just a baby. I was a sixteen-year-old in a baby's body. There was no one who would understand that except Megan and it seemed clear that Alex didn't want me around her.

"I'll help you if you want."

"I think I'm okay."

"Lyla, I don't think you're being as open-minded as you could be. You've always been that way."

"What's so wrong with that? I like what I like."

She sighed. "There's nothing wrong with that. I just think you aren't giving things a chance. You haven't really done that since you moved here."

"You sound like my mom."

She looked up at me with a confused look. "Your mom? Naomi?"

I shook my head. "My real mom."

She got quiet and focused on putting the clean diaper on me. She helped me out of my clothes before she spoke again. "I know that what you went through wasn't easy. I couldn't imagine having to do that, even given my circumstances. But you need to adjust to how things are now or you'll never be happy."

I sat up and pulled a shirt over my head. "That's really hard to do."

"Nothing in life is easy, Lyla. I'm doing physical therapy three times a week to see if I'll ever be able to walk on my own again. That's certainly not easy but I know that there's a way out eventually. There's a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm going to push myself until I get there. You just... have to find yours."

"What if I don't have one?" I asked softly. Ever since I moved to Alpine, I thought that once I turned eighteen, everything would be better. I could move out of the town and start a new life and forget everything I'd been through. But since I was turned into a baby, it was hard to stay optimistic about my future when I wasn't sure it would ever happen. As far as I knew, I was going to stay the same size and age forever. It was a cruel punishment I didn't deserve.

She put her hands on my knees and smiled at me. "You will, Lyla. Trust me. Now, we have to get going so I need to finish getting you ready."