Frayed Edges

The Fumble

"You're an addict!"

The venom in his words still coated his tongue, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

Jake had been pacing around the empty lot for what seemed like hours. He replayed their fight over and over in his mind thinking about all the things he wished he could take back.

But instead he was alone with nothing but his regret for company.

He knew he had to leave. To where he didn't know but he needed out of this damn lot. He threw open his car door but before he could slip his key into the ignition he was over run with a sense of anger that made it difficult to see straight.

His hand shook as he started the car. He fumbled the ignition a few times but managed to start the engine on his third attempt. It roared to life and Jake barely registered the tarmac around him as he drove out of the front gates. As he sped down the road, the space around him turned into a series of unfamiliar shapes and colours. His hands shook as he gripped the wheel. The tremors radiated from finger tip to elbow as he tried to push the memory of the last hour out of his mind.

His foot pressed the accelerator to the extreme without him even registering the speed. The colours and shapes only became more abstract as he topped ninety on the upstate back roads.

A burning sensation grew behind his eyes as he soared down the empty road but he didn't notice it. Instead his lead foot only grew heavier as he his speed slowly increased.

He couldn't focus on anything but his rage. Not the road, or the signs that lined it. Not even the red light that he flew through or the small silver car that missed his front bumper by mere inches.

His quick reactions saved him but barely.

He swerved, narrowly avoiding a collision with the car that crossed his path. The sounds of horns and the screech of tires echoed in his ears as he sat motionless, desperate to hold onto his sanity.

The realisation that the world was a chaotic collision of events that he had no control over hit him hard in the chest. He tried to steady his breath and keep calm as the panic began to creep through his veins. But instead he wept.

Tear after tear fell down his cheeks no matter how hard he tried to stop them. He felt every emotion that his training had taught him to ignore. He was stuck.

Stuck in the middle of one of the cases that he fought so hard to crack. For the first time ever he understood what Mia meant about the world not being black and white. It was made of shades of grey that left him confused and uncertain.

The sounds of more cars filling the air around him meant he knew he had to leave. To where he wasn't sure, Shaw's crossed his mind but he wasn't sure if alcohol was the answer to this problems right now.

It can't hurt. He thought as he parked his car a few blocks from the bar. The bartender greeted him with a friendly grin before reaching for one of the bottles of beer stashed in back fridge.

"Got anything stronger?" Jake asked as he rested his head in his hand.

"That sort of day?" The man replied as he glanced at the wall clock hanging beside him.

"You have no idea" he mused as he watched the amber liquid slowly fill his glass.

The whisky slipped down his throat as easily as silk. Jake had never been a heavy drinker, a couple beers after work, with a few whiskeys thrown in on a good night was the wildest he got. But tonight, nothing seemed to knock the sobriety out of him.

His phone buzzed unexpectedly and despite his fumbling hands he managed to catch it on the third ring.

"Mia?" He asked without even bothering to check the ID.