Exploring of My Mind: Sleep Paralysis

Nightmare :(

It is 2am in the morning of April 15, 2015. I have a test today. I shouldn't even be up this early. I am still half asleep, I couldn't fully wake from my dream. I had a dream my ex/good friend was crying and yelling at me and going insane, and he was having visions and scuicidal and depression thoughts. In real life I could hear it, cause my brain was still half awake, and I was all paralyzed. It was scary, and this time I was on my side. At least the noises weren't too loud. I think I had this dream due to the fact I have been very stressed out lately. I've been having horrible PMS symptoms, drama, family and realationship problems, to the point of sorta doing self harm. I know it isn't good to say and it is sort of personal, and this is supposed to be a dream journal, but I wanted to tell you guys dream analysis and theories to my dreams too. Anyways, I am not going to publish this journal part just yet. I can hardly stay focused as is, and need to calm down. I wonder what my boyfriend will think about this dream, I hope I can sleep again. I tried to tell him to keep me calm and he said he'd be there for me for whenever I wake up in the night but he seems to not be awake ever... oh well, usually I just play sound in the background, usually I play Dr.Phil before or while I sleep, if I hear sounds while I sleep, for some reason I have lesser chance of dream things. Anyways, good night. Will write more in the morning? I hope I have more dreams. And I hope I don't have troubles waking up from them anymore because my stupid paralysis... it is really scary when you have a nightmare and can't wake up. And if you open your eyes, you see things.. Like when I opened my eyes, I seen a scary garoyle sphinx cat looking thing with a crescent moon on its tail, it was blurry though... Ugh

Okay, hi guys. I missed school today because, well, like I said, PMS.. well now.. menstrual.. happened, and I was too tired. I am sorta awake now. In my dream, remember how I had mentioned my ex being there? Well, I asked him about the dream and told him about it and he said, "Sounds like me, I have been having visions latley," Which is super creepy and weird. You guys probably don't even believe half the stuff I write, but all of the stuff I say is true. Anyways, It was a weird coincidence.

I hope I don't have bad nightmares like that again though, itmas hard to sleep that night. And I hated it. As I said, all my theories lead uo to my, ya know, uhm.. female body changing stuff, and my stress levels and realationship and family problems. Yesterday my brother brought somebody in the house who I extremely hate and who gives me bad anxiety, so that could have also been a factor. I was shaking, having scuicidal thoughts, etc. Maybe the dream was a reflection of my own inner self, I am so depressed. I tend to tell myself I have multiple uhh, personas, and that person always releases my bad one with the anger, depression, etc. The one who deals with all my problems basically. If it wasn't for it, I still would not be alive, I would have no way to forget my past and bad incidents or deal with them or control them. Anyways, enough about myself. That's all I wanted to say I guess. I can't wait to explore more of my own mind in my dream world! :)