Ashes

→ chapter thirteen.

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WHEN LEAH OPENED HER eyes hours later, her entire bedroom was pitch-black. She glanced at the clock, squinting at the red numerals. Six forty-five. Morning or night? She couldn't tell, but based on how quiet and the soft snores of Seth down the hall, she could only guess it was early morning.

She sat up, pushed away her sheets and covers, and stood. Remaining standing, she stretched until her joints popped noisily.

The quiet was nice, was comforting as the dark that encompassed the entire room, she found as she walked over to the window and stared down at the lawn. Searching for what, she wasn't sure. As her eyes scanned any discrepancies, any threats, any bleach scented figures, she heard a creak just outside her bedroom door.

She turned to the door. Had Seth woken up?

Fast as a lightning strike but as quiet as a whisper, she crossed the room and pulled open her bedroom door. Then blinked in surprise at Sue standing there. Her face was pallid in the dim light, and her eyes were creased with concern.

"I'm sorry," Sue apologized and backed up, no doubt intending to walk back to her bedroom.

"Are you really?" Leah crossed her arms and leaned out the doorway. Blood thundered in her ears, her heart racing frantically in her chest, as she tensed, digging her nails into the waxed wood of the doorframe.

Sue stopped in her tracks and turned to face Leah, her brows furrowed over those deep-set eyes that Leah had inherited. "I wasn't trying to wake you up."

Leah looked at Sue. Her face drawn and tight, her black hair threaded with so much grey it might as well have been no longer black, and there was a deep, abiding sadness that clung to her no matter how strong a front she put up. Leah swallowed hard against the lump that sprouted in her throat.

"Is there a reason you woke me up?" she asked finally.

At first there was silence, stretched so long that Leah didn't think Sue would reply. Just when she'd made her mind up to return to bed, Sue spoke. Her voice was low in the quiet of the house.

"Yes," she whispered. "I think you're being unfair. To me, to Charlie, and especially to Isabella."

Leah saw red.

She snarled, "I'm being unfair? It's because of her that I Phased! Do you really think I'm going to paint her nails and braid her hair when the Cullens' wouldn't have a reason to stay without her? If you think I'm going to welcome her, then you're a fucking moron!" She inhaled and fought to calm herself. "Mom, you can't expect me to just...move on whenever my pain's become inconvenient to everyone around me. You think I want to be like this?" An angry, dry laugh escaped her. "Bitter and hurt and angry? I can't breath. Every day I have to hear Sam's thoughts, hear him talk about Emily the same way he used to talk about me. I have to see them together, and it—it breaks my heart because I love them even after everything and they don't care about me at all. Sam has his happily ever after. Emily got the man of her dreams. So where does that leave me?" Her voice broke, and her eyes burned.

"Leah, if you—"

"I'm in a Pack that hates me. I'm in a Pack that reminds me every day of every single mistake, of how I wasn't soft and gentle enough for them, of how I could never, ever understand how much pain Jake was in when Bella chose Edward. I just—I just want to be free. To be happy. And that isn't going to happen as long as I'm here. I'm sure Charlie's a nice guy but I haven't moved on from Dad as quick as you have. I'm still hurting, and I just—I want my mom back. To tell me it'll be okay." Tears filled her vision and spilled down her cheeks. Her claws pushed out of her fingers and scratched the waxed wood of the doorframe where she clung, desperate to remain upright. Tremors racketed through her, shook her violently, but she focused on Sue's face.

"Leah, all of this pain, this suffering, would end if you just ignored the Pack's comments. You remember how you'd deal with bullies in middle school? If you don't give them a reaction, they'll lose interest." Sue looked her up and down. "As for Sam and Emily, Taha Aki blessed them. You should be happy for them. They're fated. And for myself and Charlie...I wish you would understand that for the first time since your dad died...that I'm happy."

Blood hammered in Leah's ears as she stared at Sue. 

It was then she realized she hadn't really taken in a single fucking thing Leah had said. It had taken all of Leah's strength to actually open up and this was the response? Some vague, half-hearted nonsense that didn't help Leah what-so-ever. 

Every inch of her body felt like ice. She realized Sue would never be the mom she'd been before Harry's death, the one who had fought like hell to protect her.

"I'm tired," Leah said softly. "I think I'm gonna go back to bed."

Sue looked ready to say something else, thought better of it, and hurried down the corridor back to her bedroom.

As her bedroom clicked shut, a sense of calm washed over Leah. She backed up into her own bedroom, locked the door, and uncovered her old duffel bag. Setting it on the bed, she opened her dresser and selected her meager amount of clothes and transferred them into the bag. Bag packed, she looked around the childhood bedroom that had housed her for so long. Had seen her through everything.

Stuffing on her sneakers, she ripped off a sheet of notepad paper out of an old spiral notebook and scrawled on it. Her note didn't say much. She examined what she'd written.

Watch over Seth. This house is suffocating me. You've changed, I've changed, and I don't think we'll ever be back to the way it was before Dad died. I'm sorry for ruining everything. Don't search for me. Goodbye.

— Leah.

Sniffling slightly, she walked over to the window, pushed it up, and leapt out, landing silently on the damp grass. Squaring her shoulders and hiking the strap of the duffel bag higher, she walked into the woods and didn't look back.