Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split
And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind
And now all your love is wasted?
And then who the hell was I?
And now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?
. . . . . . . . .
A bench at Turtle Park ruined my life.
I'm sure it didn't mean to, but it did.
A single, rusting, black metal bench, ruined my life. In some meaningless park I stopped at in some pointless town on the side of the highway.
A damn bench. Where I met a damn you. And you met a damn me. And we broke each others' damn hearts.
+.+.+.+.+
It was a cold and chilly day, one not too unlike my heart at the moment. It had just snowed the night before, and a fresh blanket lay on the highway. I was feeling rather down and saw a sign for a town only a mile away. So I pulled into the slow lane and kept watch for the exit; number 206. I put on my blinker once it was in sight, and turned off into Remingtun.
I followed the streets for awhile, until I saw a familiar coffee chain, logo clad in green with a siren on it.
So I parked, went inside, ordered a pumpkin spice latte, tucked my free hand deep into my pocket, and began on the journey of my walk.
I was on my way to Boston, taking a trip to check out a college or two. Mother cancelled on me at the last minute, work emergency or something. I wasn't overly excited for college, and while it meant escaping my mother, it also meant a new beginning and I wasn't keen for those.
Shy was an understatement when it came to me. I remember in the fifth grade, my best friend nudged me into Caleb Plensa and I squeaked, so did he when he slipped around in his spilled lunch. I was awkward and quiet, and while Maria had done it for the best, such did not turn out.
I had a boyfriend senior year, or something I thought similar. But that didn't last, and I didn't think it was bound to.
I walked along the frozen sidewalk, my breath fogging the air directly in front of me, and then I saw the frosted sign reading 'Turtle Park'. I thought to myself, what a peculiar name, and then I was intrigued and crunching along through the park.
I stumbled across a metal bench, quite literally, which overlooked a pond, one frozen over with a thick, frosting layer of ice. I swept some of the snow off with the sleeve of my blaring red rain-coat, a color so blatantly unlike the rest of my current surroundings, and sat down.
I think it took about ten minutes for you to approach me. I was inbetween a sip of my drink when I heard a muffled hi from behind me, and then watched you walk around towards me. You smiled and asked if you could sit. I nodded, and who was I to say no anyway. So you swept the snow away with your sleeve, just like I had, and sat down next to me.
We ended up talking, about schools, life in general, hobbies, music, anything, and I didn't spill my drink on your lap or sneeze on you, so I figured whatever this was was starting out well.
You gave me your number in case I was ever in need of a conversation or was reminicsing about Turtle Park.
And a week later, I was in utter need of the former.
I called you up crying. You were so confused and worried, and you insisted on driving up to see me even though I said no twelve times. I called you up crying, and I don't even remember what I cried about. Somewhere in the midst of everything, I forgot.
You had a spell about you. You distracted me. You captivated me. Suddenly we were alternating weekends to drive to meet and plans to make. We still met at turtle park, of course, we still stared out over the pond. Time went by and seasons changed. Spring arrived with blooming cherry blossom trees and luscious grass. Summer sped in quickly with heat and midnight rainfalls. Autumn came with orange, and brown, and gold, and leaves spinning in the air. And before we knew it, it was winter once again, and the bench was covered in snow.
I had started college at NYU, my mother agreed it was the better fit for me, and it was further from you. I think she was quite tired of me having a life. And things started to slow down. We started to slow down.
It wasn't as much of a rush being with you, you weren't as big a distraction, not as interesting. I was overwhelmed with school, and writing, and photography, and ridiculous extracurriculars I had no interest in.
It didn't feel like us anymore. I couldn't even remember what we used to feel like.
After a year, I just couldn't. That's why I asked for a break.
It took you by surprise, it really did, which mystified me to no end because how didn't you see I wasn't happy?
You fought for us to stay together. You drove the four hours every weekend just to see me, and I couldn't grasp why. Why were you so desperate for this to last? We were both just college kids and we had our whole lives ahead of us. I was shy, not stupid.
I just wanted a break, a month to myself, to think, to breathe, to plan. I loved you so much, I just wanted a break.
You fought harder and harder, and soon it was little things like notes taped to things in my room to remind me of you, and calls between classes. And you kept pushing me into thoughts of you, into loving you, and I was overwhelmed.
I needed a break. You were pushing me too far.
And one day, I broke.
I sat in my dorm room and started crying, I kicked Lis out and sat on the floor and bawled. I was so overwhelmed and you were pushing all this love on me and trying to do the opposite of what I needed, and I couldn't take it anymore. You weren't the same nineteen year old I met in Turtle Park, and I wasn't either. We changed. We started to move on without even noticing it.
And you wouldn't accept it.
It was too much.
I called you crying that night. You answered and immediately knew something was wrong. You just pushed more love on me, told me you were coming over. And through everything, I said no. I told you to stop. You kept saying why, and I repeated no, over and over again.
I told you to stop
And somewhere in the midst of everything, you did.
After a while, you were only trying to convince yourself.
So you said okay. And I did too. We said I love you one last time. And then bye. And then we hung up the phone without another word, and I cried a little bit longer.
You never called again. And I lost your number.
A damn bench. Where I met a damn you. And you met a damn me. And we broke each others' damn hearts.
