He lay on the bed, staring at the Ceiling. The fan spinning at slow speed. "one" he uttered and "two". Then came "three", "four", "five". He seemed to have been counting the times the fan rotated. The windows were closed, the lights shut and the door locked. It was complete silence, occasionally broken by the cries. He lay on the bed, staring at the Ceiling, teardrops filled his eyes from time to time. "Is it even worth it?" he asked the shadows, seeking a reply but simply receiving nothing. "I don't feel like getting up from this bed, I don't even feel like writing, my fingers are sore and my legs ache of pain. my neck is sore too while my stomach constantly sorrows." He elaborated.
"If Je Sun was here, she would say something but all I hear now is silence". "will I ever wake up from this dream?". After a while, he finally gathers the energy to stand up. He walks to his table and sits down then opens the page and reads but quickly closes the book not being able to focus.
"What good am I?" he asked again. "I couldn't save my sister and now here I am, sitting at her table, not being able to do a thing. I had barely the energy to walk to this table and I can't even do the one thing I liked" He lowers his hands into his palms "My head spins every time I shift my eyes and I can't lift a spoon. Sister, where are you.. I need your help", he sobbed quietly on the wooden table.
"I wonder what mother would think of me, How will I even get the courage to show them my face again. A failure of a son who let her sister die in an abhorrent arson", "They will curse me to death if I showed up at their doorstep and might even turn me in." "What will their faces look like when they find out about the death of their pretty daughter. barely seventeen".
Tears quickly filled his eyes once more. He slammed his fist on the table as his headache rose once more.
"you'll be fine brother, don't look so miserable."
"How can you hate yourself when there are so many others to blame".
His body started to shake and he clasped his hands on his ears and pressed tightly to somehow get rid of the voices.
"No, Stop!".
He cried but his dead sister's voice echoed in the cathedral of his skull.
"Won't you get this revenge for me, brother?"
"After all you couldn't save me, that's the least you can do".
Please stop...
"Won't you avenge your poor sister so her parents can lay at peace?"
"Will you forgive the murderers responsible for your blood sister's carcass?"
Stop...I beg you.
With every passing second, the voice became louder and harder it became to hear himself through her sister's painful plea.
Finally, after 15 minutes the voices stopped calling his name but left behind an exhausted, lifeless Jhope. He got up and scoured his suitcase for his pills and ran through his door to fetch water. He fell midway through but got up again but no matter how many times he stood up a fall followed. He somehow managed to drag himself over to the kitchen and swallowed the pill.
In the distance, Jin slowly observed him yet shook it off as just another headache.
JIMIN'S P.O.V
It's been two years since Jhope hyung has locked himself in his room, refusing to eat anything. I know it's the grief. But I also know that I should not leave him like that for long, He will get weak and have no energy, physically and emotionally.
Maybe that's why I am here...again, Hands hovering over his door, and after taking a deep breath I knock, and get inside.
The room is dark only the sunlight seeping through the cracks or the curtains. Surprising the room is clean, and a very tired, almost dead-looking Hoseok is lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling which he found interesting.
I quietly get inside and stand near his bed and crouch to get to his level and take his hand in mine, He doesn't react.
"Hyung..."
I wait for a response, I get none so I sigh and continue.
"You should come out at least once or eat something and go out to take some fresh air, It will be very helpful you know? We are really worried for you."
He closed his eyes and sighed- relief burst into my heart and my eyes beamed- and then with a very low voice he mumbled out some inaudible words.
"What did you say?"
He looked at me, and for a second I thought, He blamed me for everything, Such pure hatred, and anger trapped in his once bright eyes.
"Can you leave me alone?"
To say I was hurt was obvious through my expressions. But I forced a smile and patted his head stood up and as I neared the door I glanced back and saw that he was back at it...Staring at the ceiling.
I sighed and closed the door behind me once I was out.
"How is he?"
I turned around to see Namjoon Hyung standing there, worried.
"Just the same, Staring at the ceiling and wanting to be left alone."
He just nodded and motioned me over to the hall and walked away. I let my hands linger on the doorknob a little longer and started walking towards the hall.
Once inside the hall, I lazily walk towards the couch where Namjoon hyung was sitting and go and lay down on it with my head on his lap and let the tears escape that I have been holding for a long time.
"Shh, don't cry...It's not your fault, It's not anyone's fault."
"B-but what if he d-doesn't recover? what- what if things go south and he cuts us off from his life? I don't want him to leave."
"Nobody does chimmy, nobody wants that. But a time will come when he will need some time alone to get over all that he has been suffering through, and we will have no choice but to let him go."
"We will be able to stay in touch with him, right?"
He said nothing, not even a lie. Because everyone knows...Giving hope when there is none is the cruelest thing you can do.
I closed my eyes and tried to rest but that didn't last long when I heard an audible gasp from Namjoon hyung.
"Jhope...where are you going?"
I abruptly open my eyes and sit up and boom there he is, standing like a statue near his door, looking less dead and with a suitcase in his hands.
"Hyung..." as if my voice was a switch and he got triggered, his eye snap towards me. I visibly shivered because of the hatred seeping through his eyes.
Why is he looking at me like that?
Namjoon hyung walks towards him and his eyes travel to him, deep inside I thank the clumsy giant.
"I need some time alone. So I am going back home."
Hyung's shoulders dropped and he let out an "oh" and looked at me with an I-told-you look.
"Uh yeah sure...did you inform the others that you are leaving?"
"They will know."
"Ok wait, let me call a cab for you."
"I already did, It will be here in ten minutes."
Namjoon hyung again looked at me and motioned me to say something. I hesitate.
"You packed something to eat?"
"It's fine, I won't need it."
I just nod, awkwardly.
And then he picks up his luggage and walks towards the door and turns back and smiles...a genuine smile.
"Thanks for letting me stay"
"Always."
"Come again! Don't forget to call us if you need anything."
He nodded once more and walked out of the door.
I and Namjoon hyung look at each other and tears come running down.
" I didn't know the I-need-time moment will come soo soon."
And then I cry while he hugs me and pats my head and tells me that it's fine.
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