Serendipity | SunKi Au

33: The more I hurt the more I want you

Two things were going through Riki's mind.

1) Why did he volunteer to go to Sunghoon's class and retrieve his forgotten phone? and

2) How could he forget the way to the classroom?

He had been there before. More than twice. But all of those times consisted of Jay being the leader while he just trailed behind as they spoke. He never really paid attention to the steps that they took and to be fair, the school was pretty big, and everywhere it looked similar besides the couple of posters pasted on the walls.

He continues to walk mindlessly, looking down at his phone hoping that either of his friends had responded to his desperate messages over the past 10 minutes. He sighs deeply when he realizes that they hadn't.

It was lunchtime and there were no people around, most of them being outside in the field, at the cafeteria, or roaming the first floor. Over the last minutes, he has seen no soul walking around. 

He just needed the room number, that's all. But his friends seemed to find it hard to respond to that simple question. 

He pursues his lips as he continues to walk around, peeking into every classroom, hoping to recognize one of them as the one that Sunghoon attends but to no avail. He looks up, where the classroom numbers are, "11D, 12D, 12B, 12F, 12A," he mumbles under his breathe, coming to a halt at the last one. He smiles brightly, "Right! It's 12A!" He cheers silently, jumping a little before stopping. 

He looks through the window, hoping that no one would be inside but he curses silently once he sees there was a single person inside. His heart sped up once he realized that, that person was not a random someone but rather Sunoo. His silver hair was different and easy to spot so he knew that it was him and no one else.

He makes up his mind to just quickly finish his mission after spotting the item that Sunghoon had forgotten at a table a couple of desks from the boy who had their head on the desk. 

He sighs before slowly turning the knob, tiptoeing inside soon after. He grabs onto the phone with a victorious smile but before he could leave he heard some shuffling around, catching his attention. He turns his head back, seeing that Sunoo had turned his head, now his face facing him instead of previously that his hair was the only thing seen. 

Unconsciously, his feet took him closer and closer to the male until he was right in front of him. He kneels down in front of him and he couldn't help but admire the older's features which seemed so relaxed and carefree. His heart begins to speed up as he let out an inevitable shaky breathe. He raises his hand hesitantly, pursuing his fingers into fists and uncurling them a few times before they finally go to his hair. He moves the hair on his forehead, making him smile widely at how cute and vulnerable the other looked which was very different from his usual appearance. 

This crush just seemed to continue growing, the less he wanted it to the more it grew. And... he couldn't come to actually detest it. As much as he tried to convince himself to, he only found himself wanting more and more of that feeling even if he knew the consequences.

He retraces his hand, standing up from his crouching position as he sighs before walking away.

Unknowingly, Sunoo opens his eyes and watches him leave.

--

Ni-Ki continues to practice hard, looking at himself in the mirror intently as he danced, stopping every once in a while in order to fix his wrongs. The internal competition would be held the next day and he couldn't find himself to stop his body from moving. His phone had been long forgotten; he didn't know what time it was nor did he know if his mom had been calling or not but he couldn't worry about that now.

This was more important. He didn't want to be regretful tomorrow by all means. 

He stops his steps only when the door to the room opens, making a noise when it closed. He pants slightly as he follows with his eyes through the mirror the steps that the person takes, walking towards him.

"Why are you still here, Riki?"

The younger sighs, "I have to practice, Jay-Hyung," he says, looking back at the mirror before continuing to move.

"It's past 1," the other pronounces, grabbing onto him steadily so he can stay still. "Your mom called me as her last resort. Come on, I'm taking you home," he states, taking Ni-Ki's bag from the corner of the room before coming back to him, taking his wrist.

"I can't. I still need to fix some details. The competition is tomorrow for god's sake!" He exclaims, yanking his arm away harshly.

"Ni-Ki, it's not healthy to be like this," he looks into his eyes. "Is there something else going on?" He questions worriedly.

"I- I keep on thinking about him. I- I don't want to," he confesses in a broken voice, tears filling his eyes.

"Why, Riki?"

"No one will ever accept my feelings. We're different. Too different. Besides, we're both guys and he is a social figure. It'll never happen and it's hurting me even thinking about it," he explains shakily before beginning to cry. Jay instantly takes him into his embrace, encircling his arms around the other while the Japanese boy stays unresponsive. "He doesn't even like me but I keep on feeling so hurt every time I think about it, about how impossible this is. I don't want to stop but it's hurting before anything even starts," he continues as he buries his head on the older's shoulder. 

Ni-Ki understood since the beginning that they could never happen. As if it were forbidden. Besides them being the same gender, Sunoo indeed was known around the country not only because of his parents but also because of his talents as a model. Ads of him are everywhere and it's hard for him to not get recognized. As for Riki, he was nobody. A simple high school boy from Japan and that's it. He's nothing while Sunoo is everything. It hurt to think like this. 

Even if it was a simple emotion, even if it wouldn't last, even if he would get over it, even if he was still young and would grow out of this silly crush, even if he would laugh at this silly scenario later. 

He still found himself wanting more. He still found himself hurting more.