Falling for Childe eng

The first touch

If in this chapter is any trigger, pls tell me I will put a trigger warning. 

(I use any pronouns on xinyan bcs its just my head cannon)

Ray's pov:

Xinyan and I were just walking around luyie and talking about the concert, we will play here on lantern ride when she got a call. I wasnt really focused and i just heard them saying "Hello?" "wait really?" "sure!" . "You seem to be exited, who was this?" i asked her. He told me that besides ninnguang and beidou, tartaglia also wanted to visit us on the stage. "We will meet him later and decide what he will sing with us. I have to ask ninnguang tho because brining a fatui boy on stage has some danger but it's tartaglia so i don't think she will say no"

I just nod my head. I dont know if I should be happy about this. I mean I've always wanted to see him but I am scared. I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want to see him. It will ruin my live. I don't want this. No. But, i can't say no. Xinyan seems to be so exited to meet him, also we'll get more famous and this is all what xinyan wants to. I have to act normal, it's for my best friend. Come on I got it. "Ray?" "yeah I'm sorry,I'm here"  "I know ab the way you think of childe but please don't ruin the concert just because of him. Got it? You're not a little kid anymore." Oh yes she knows me to good. 

It is only one week left until the concert. I gladly was able to escape all the meet ups with tartaglia.

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It is the day of the concert. I am going on stage and we sing the first songs. Everything was fine until i saw him in the crowded room. I forgot how to talk, I forgot how to sing, I forgot my text, I forgot everything. I was just staring in the emtyness full of people. The thing that got me out of my thoughts were the steps i heared behind the stage. Where was Tartaglia? Fuck, it is him. I am just as ready to go off the stage when it is already to late. 

I am speachless when I see him slowly walking toward me. What is he doing? What am I supossed to do. I am not ready. Why do I have to do this. He comes closer and the closer he comes the more panick i get. Now he is standing straight infront of me. Looking everywhere but not my eyes. Slowly he is raising his Hand. It kinda gets me out of my thoughts when he takes away my mikro agressivly. Half-joking, and to make it less akward he turns to the publicum "if you don't need it, I can take it right?" The smirk at the end of the sentence was the last push for me.

I run into the changin room and burst out crying. What is happening to me? Why does he make me act so weirdly. It's not me. This is not me.The tears are running down my cheeks. What am I doing. My clothes are getting wetter and wetter. What the Hell? Why can't I just act normal. The panick is slowly leaving and turning into anger. There's nothing wrong with this gingerhead but why does he ma-

How many time went away? I wipe away my tears and try to hide the fact that I just cried my soul out. "Who's there?" I ask. "It's me". It is hime. What do I say? He dosn't give me much time to think and just comes in. I try not to look at him and stare at my shoes. But.. I feel his look at me, he is waiting for me to look back. As soon as I looked back at him he started yelling. He asked me what is wrong with me, why am I acting like this and told me that I am childish. I didn't really expect him to be like that, but well. "yk, I don't hate you actually.. I don't know why I am acting like that. I think I am just to envy. I want to be you so badly but I'll never be good enough"

"You, want to be like me?-" I think Tartaglia was struggeling with some mental issues because he seemed to be very happy ab it. He made a move with his Hand that told me to come to him. As soon as I was close enough he went in for a hug. "I am sorry Tartaglia. I will change" "Call me Childe" he said. ... Childe huh? 

Wtf actually I am so cringed on by myself, wtf is this. Uhm, sayounara see ya guys.