My Poetry

Agoraphobia

I lay awake and stare at the ceiling
Sitting and wishing, ever wishing
That I could get out and live life to the fullest.

But there is something stopping me
And that specific something
Just so happens to be my fear.

Agoraphobia, the phobia of large spaces
I have it and I hate it because I can't go outside
I can't go into anything too big without fear.

I wish I could go out and start something big
But then I would have to be in the center of it all
And I'm scared of that too.

I'm slowly working toward overcoming these strange things
These feelings of extreme terror at the mere thought
Of being in a locked room, leaving my home, or entering a crowd.

I am a social person, it's true
I'm quick to make friends and reluctant to leave them
But that doesn't mean I can cope in a crowd with strangers.

When I say I'm an extrovert people make assumptions
That I am okay with going to parties and places
Where there are too many people with too much noise.

They think that I feel safe in escape rooms
The time I had done that the only thing keeping me from breaking down
Was the knowledge that the door was not locked.

2022