Hope for my Future

Chapter Fifteen

Anh

I had never, in my life, been so angry with my brother before. The Nicki that walked through my front door, late that night, was not the same one I had come to know. She had been warm, and funny, and increasingly open about her past and her feelings. But this Nicole was consumed by rage.

"Nic?" My voice was hesitant as I watched her pace around my living room.

She glanced up at me for a second, and I sucked in a breath when I saw the look on her face. "Can Lily and I live with you?"

I waited for an explanation, then tentatively asked when none was forthcoming. "Why?"

"Because Tanner's getting back together with Julia, and I should have known better."

Anger bloomed in my chest, even as I shuddered away from the pure fury coming from Nicole. "What do you mean, you should have known better?"

"I actually thought that I was going to catch a break, for once in my Goddess-damned life. But I guess She's not done with fucking me around." She finally stopped pacing and looked at me again, and I caught a glimmer of the agony hidden underneath her anger.

And in that moment, I hated Tanner for what he'd done to her.

***

Nicole

I decided that I would take the first week with Lily, partly because Tanner could go fuck himself, but mainly because I desperately needed her. I had been about ready to admit how I felt for him, how I was falling in love with him, but now my pup was the only thing standing between me and total oblivion.

Even then, it was damned hard work being around her. I had to be the one to explain her new life, had to hold back my own anguish while trying to comfort her through hers, had to hold back the fury that boiled just under my skin. I tried to keep everything as normal as possible for her, but nothing was normal, nothing was right, and we both knew it.

Then there was the pity I got from the pack. Word spread remarkably quickly, and the way they looked at me when Lily and I went out... I get that they were trying to be sympathetic, but it just hurt.

Everything in me hurt.

Other than Lily, the only person I could stand to be around was Anh. He didn't pity me, just stayed close. When I was done holding Lily as she cried herself to sleep, he was the one to hold me, his arms preventing me from falling apart. I was immensely grateful that he was adopted, and so looked nothing like his brother.

I just barely made it through the first week, and then was almost destroyed all over again when I had to see him, when I had to let Lily go with him. She was happy to see him, but didn't want to leave me, and the conflicting emotions just left her a crying mess. I burned as I watched another consequence of his actions, and I think he could tell, from the way he flinched when I met his gaze.

That second week was one of the worst of my entire life, which is really saying something.

I couldn't work at the training centre; I just didn't have it in me. And I didn't have Lily to fuss over, to put my feelings aside for. I just sat in Anh's house and drowned. Drowned in the endless ocean of despair and fury and bitterness that swallowed me whole. I couldn't understand it. Hadn't I suffered enough?

I thought I had finally found happiness. I had friends, a pack that accepted me, a little family, a new love. And then it was ripped away from me. I was kicked into the dirt, yet again, and it hurt just as much as the day Jessie died, or the day Lily was born, or the day my mother died. Goddess, it was a fucking slideshow of agony, one thing after another, all piling on top of each other until I struggled to breathe.

Honestly, there were times, while I sat on that couch, I didn't even want to try and breathe anymore.

***

Anh

About halfway through the second week of living with Nicole, I knew I needed help. I waited till after dinner – which mostly consisted of me eating and Nicki picking at her food – saw her shuffle off to bed and took off for the pack house. It was mercifully quiet for a weeknight, which made it easy enough to track down the only person I thought could help me.

"I don't know what to do, man." I sat on the couch in the pack house, head in my hands, feeling the weight on my shoulders dragging me down. "She was at least coping last week, but now, without Lily to look after..."

I felt a strong hand grip my shoulder in commiseration and was beyond grateful for the Luna in that moment. Despite the gender reversal, Rachel was the quintessential determined Alpha, and Andy somehow managed to be caring and empathetic even while he remained the deadliest wolf in the pack. His compassion was badly needed now, as I tried to take care of the females in my family while their world fell apart.

"You've gotta give her time, Anh." Andy's voice was deep and calm, as always. "She's been through hell in her life, so she'll be feeling the grief of more than just what happened with Tanner."

I looked up at him. "How am I supposed to help her, then? I don't know enough about her life before she came here. She completely shut down the other day when all I did was suggest going fishing. I'm dancing around in a minefield, here."

Andy sighed deeply. "I'm going to ask Bree and Tina to drop into your place a few times, maybe their mates, too. You can't be supporting her by yourself, and it sounds like she needs to get out of her head."

"Thanks, Andy," I smiled sadly at him.

He opened his mouth to reply but stopped when the front door of the house opened. We both looked up, curious, and my breath caught when I saw who had walked in. Tanner was here, with his mate. I'd never gotten on with Julia, even while we were growing up. She was always so light and airy, so shallow that she was just bubbles floating on water. She was never fake, or cruel, or anything like that, but there was just so little to her. Then she broke my big brother's heart, and I was glad I didn't have to pretend to like her anymore. I sure as hell wasn't going to pretend now that she was back.

I stared at them, trying to keep my face blank, to hide my disdain for them both. Andy didn't need me going off on them in the pack house, after all. So, I ignored their entwined hands, ignored the bright smile on Julia's face, the tentative one on Tanner's, and stood up.

"Thanksfor your help, Andy," I muttered, hoping he'd forgive my lack of decorum rightnow. I pushed past the happy couple without a word and steppedout into the night, heading back to the female they had so carelesslyshattered.