Bittersweet (Isabela x Reader)

Chapter 8

Numb. That's all you felt. You couldn't feel that buzzy high from drinking anymore. You couldn't feel anything.

Emotions weren't a thing to you. You stared up to the tiled ceiling with tired and dreary eyes. You could barely keep them open, but you knew that if you closed them, then you could possibly stay like that. Your arm dangled on one side of the bed, loosely holding the green bottle. You really wanted to sleep...

Your blinking started to slow down, the weight of your eyelids taking a toll on your fatigue. You shivered despite the night being warm. Your body felt cold. You couldn't tell if your heartbeat was decreasing or not but it ached as it tried to keep you alive. You woozily lifted your free hand and pinched your fingers. Nothing... You weren't sure what you were doing now, but at least your emotions were gone. The alcohol drained it away and you couldn't care less.

You didn't notice that someone was knocking at your door until they actually came in, forcing your uncle to unlock the door with a key. Their voice was soft and hushed, whispering words of comfort despite you not understanding a single word. You were mumbling things back without a filter. You didn't even know what you were saying.

---

Drinking reminded you of that summer day that you had with Isabela. You refused to leave your room for days after she had said those cold words to you. She wasn't interested. She wanted to completely forget what the two of you had.

The warmth you once had in your heart was gone and it started to freeze over. Your sweet demeanor slowly turned bitter. Your infectious smile turned into an almost permanent scowl and you hardly ever grinned genuinely. You didn't care about anyone around you anymore. You hated the world just as much as you hated yourself. You barely greeted anyone. You completely ignored your neighbors and your parents moved away once you turned twenty. You had to put on your old facade before they felt comfortable leaving but that only lasted for a few hours, and they left. Your only purpose in this town was to make jewelry and sometimes shoes. You barely had passions and you forced yourself into work. There were some who could tolerate you but honestly, you knew that they were just putting up with your attitude because you were good at what you did.

You spent a quarter of your income on drinks. It started off with a kiss. How did it end up like this?

It was because of Isabela and your stupid emotions. You were stuck between wanting to go numb and wanting to feel warm. The only one who gave you that warmth was gone. You were up late one night making a set of earrings for someone, you didn't remember who.

Your lips felt dry and you got up to grab a drink. Normally, you would have gotten water but your fridge was empty. You needed to go out in the morning...

You rubbed your eyes at the bright light from the fridge and grabbed a bottle. You don't remember buying any rum. You happened to have some spices. You shrugged and decided to make your father's canelazo recipe.

You were twenty years old and thought that the house was quiet without your parents' usual banter. After several tries, you managed to make the cocktail as best as you remember it. You swirled it around and drank a bit, quenching your thirst for only a few minutes with its taste. The bittersweet flavor gave you a buzzy feeling. Warm and tingly with some butterflies in your stomach.

The feeling reminded you of the Madrigal's golden girl. You stared fondly into the half-empty glass. It's been a while since you felt this feeling. The warmth thawed your heart just a little bit before you felt the urge to drink more. You craved a bit of sweetness in your sour soul.

---

When you woke up, it was night and you had to suffer the consequences of drinking once again. You let out an achy groan and opened your eyes. Everything felt grey as your emotions were gone. You tried to focus your senses on your feelings. Then you remembered what happened.

You sighed once again and sat up. You were confused about your emotions. Your heart was on a balancing act between hate and love. Then you finally broke and lost your streak of being sober. It wasn't such a big issue you thought.

Your head pulsed with pain from your hangover and you heard someone coming up. They stopped at your door, tapping softly. You slurred out a groan and they came in.

"Tu tío estaba preocupado cuando te encontramos," Dolores whispered. She placed a plate of pandebono next to your glass of water.

"Ay... I didn't drink that much... It was only a few bottles."

She gave you a disappointed look and forced you to drink the glass of water. Awkward...

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did," you quipped. You snickered a bit but then you nervously drank your water once more. No laughing when you are recovering from a hangover. Laughing hurts...

"Why do you keep your distance from Isa?" She took a chair and gently set it down, not wanting to strain her ears with a loud noise. You stopped mid-bite and glared at her. "I mean, why do you push her away now? She's trying to make up for what happened before and you keep ignoring her."

You tried to think but your headache only got worse for a bit. You ate a bit of the food Dolores brought and immediately felt better. You assumed it was Julieta's cooking. At least you were able to think better, but you weren't sure what to say.

Why did you keep her away? You wanted to be better and clearly, she was willing to put up with your stubbornness. Was it fear of heartbreak? Maybe you were still having trouble with your emotions. Okay, not maybe. It was definitely. You hesitated, leaving your mouth open before finally saying something. Dolores stared with wide eyes, though you figured that was just her showing that she was paying attention.

"I honestly don't know myself," you finally admitted. "I... don't know a lot of things. I don't know how to handle Rico sometimes. I don't know why I push Isabela away, why people put up with me, why I stay isolated when there is clearly a family who wants to try and... fix me. But I..." You paused to dwell on your words, trying to put them together as you felt realization hit you. "I don't know how I am supposed to feel about things. I always feel too many emotions... It always overwhelms me and I get scared." You chuckled to lighten the mood. "Kinda like your gift."

Dolores quietly laughed at your wit.

You continued with a heavy sigh. "I got so tired of my empathy that I started to drink after I was alone. It washed away all of my problems. I would've moved to Mexico with the rest of my family, but then what? I didn't see the point. Hate made me cold and bitter. I offered Isabela love and she broke it. So I buried that part of me for years. Now I suddenly have the opportunity to make amends? It... It terrifies the living hell out of me..."

You weren't sure when it happened but you felt a lump curl up in your throat. Your eyes were tearing up in the middle of your ramble and only now have they started to fall. You could feel your heart shake at your uneven breaths. You gridded your teeth in frustration as you sniffled. Dolores moved from the chair to sit next to you on the bed, softly patting your back and letting you cry.

"The reason why I act so mean to everyone is that I'm scared of getting hurt again," you confessed. "Isa... We were close. We were too close and I fell too hard for her. I-I'm sorry." You tried to smile and wipe away the clear sadness. "You asked me a question and then I started to ramble."

She shushed you and whispered softly, "It's fine. Just let it out."

Dolores stayed quiet afterward, letting you cry back to sleep. She stayed with you until the sun started to rise. She left your room and started to make her way back. She stayed in her room a bit. She could recall her cousin also crying herself to sleep. Mirabel and Luisa were there to comfort her. You haven't let anyone in your walls for years. Of course, you were scared to let someone in again. You were terrified to have your heart broken again.

You and Isabela really needed to talk about your feelings...