A Home West of Nowhere

Chapter 6: The Waters of Life

Night fell onto the camp, as people made themselves busy with preparing meals and tidying up.
Eleanor was cutting vegetables at the chuck wagon, preparing a venison roast. Anna stood next to her, wearing nothing but a bustier and petticoat, and Tibah sat nearby, working on arrowheads for hunting. She did not talk often, but always took in conversations around her. Anna was the talker amongst the women and would occasionally take a swig from a nearby bottle of brandy.

"Feels lovely, this weather. Nice to not have to be bundled up by the fire constantly. Feels good on the lungs, ey? What you think, Elle?" Anna asked.
There was a slight pause as Eleanor looked lost in thought. She shuddered slightly and stammered, "Oh, yes. Lovely night."
Anna shot Eleanor a suspicious look. "Oi, what's bothering you? You're off somewhere in your head, ain't you?"

Eleanor nodded softly. "I just hope Juliette is okay. All of them, really. But she's just a child," she answered. Anna turned to Eleanor and caressed her cheek. "Hey, look at me. It will be alright. She's okay. You know her. She's a stubborn little Minx, that one".
Eleanor nodded with acceptance. "Yes, she is. But so is Judah. So is Ira. I care for that girl more than anything, she's like another sister to me, but sometimes I feel like we have done her wrong. She has so much potential and she's wasting it for a life of degeneracy and crime. If I had somewhere else to go, I would. I don't want her to keep going down this path until it's too late. She's still young. She's pretty, and smart. My goodness she's so smart and clever beyond her years. She deserves to be anything she wants," she spoke softly, dumping the freshly cut vegetables into the stew pot.

Tibah said nothing, but nodded her head in agreement.
Anna narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "So you suppose she'd be better off in a girl's home? Not making nothing of herself? Cursed to clean and cook day and night? That would be a real waste of her talents. She's a teenager. She's full of guile and impulse. She will grow out of it. You were her age too. We all were," Anna reassured her.
Eleanor shot a look of disappointment at Anna. "You sound like Judah," she said quietly.
Anna took a large swig of brandy and shook her head. "Well maybe Judah is right. Not about everything, but maybe some things," she said.

Eleanor put down her knife and rested her palm on the table. She glanced to Anna, and grabbed the half-empty brandy bottle from her hand, then took a large gulp. She passed it back to Anna and ran her fingers through her hair.
Anna looked bewildered, then her eyes grew wide and a slight smirk began to form on her face.
"Aye, I thought you didn't drink?" She asked sarcastically. "I don't make it a habit. But I get the taste for it every now and again," Eleanor replied.

"You mean when you're sad? Angry? When you remember things you would rather just forget? When you are worried about somethin' you can't go changing about somebody else, or when you're guilty and mad because you're too hard on yourself? " Anna responded. Eleanor took note of the inquisitive nature of Anna's statement and gave her a look of distaste. Though she appeared to be put off by Anna's inquiry, she was unable to hide the sadness of truth in her eyes. Anna could read the answer from her face, and did nothing but nod softly.

"Aye, well if you're drinking to forget, best remember not to dwell on things. Best not to forget those who are important to you. You're a broken woman, Eleanor. We are all broken. I have come to know you over these years. I may not know everything, but I know enough to know when you're troubled. Do you think I live with my choices easily? We both lost our husbands. You were young, in love, and a grieving widow within two summers. Me? I shot my husband. I spent five years married to a monster. I allowed myself to be put through unimaginable pain and stress, because my family approved of him. He was a monster. It was like a nightmare I lived every day. I suffered in silence. And I finally stood up for myself. And you know what I have to show for it? Nothing. I have no home, no work, no family, and a price on me in two states. I lost much more than my husband. Not only that, but I still feel guilty that I did it. I still tell myself it was the wrong thing to do. I have to live with the choice I made to save my own life. Not a day goes by where I don't replay it over in my head. Where I don't still smell Mark's blood on my hands. Then I remember the way he belittled me. Talked down to me. The way he violated and humiliated me. And those memories are the only reason I don't regret what I did. You're the best of us, Elle. You have no reason to feel bad for the choices you made to get here. You have more reasons to live than many of us. But we don't pass judgment. We look past all of that. We love, we care, we protect. We are all equals. You're my sister Eleanor, and I can't stand to see you this way. "