The 9 lives of Cats and Gods (Merry Men Book 1)

Life 9

1.
Robin
"'Sup," I say, walking into the living room of the cabin. I've spent all day unpacking boxes and I just found one with legos in it so I'm gonna be distracted for like seven hours and get nothing else productive done.
"RICHARD!!! IT'S TALKING TO ME AGAIN!!"
That's Special Agent Courdelion. Yes he's here. A couple of days ago, his and my Courdelion's mother called, and shouted something to the effect of 'Get along with your brother and stop fighting' then hung up. So Courdelion grudgingly bailed his brother out of prison and brought him back here. That did not involve giving him a change of clothes or anything of the kind. Or introducing him to the dogs.
See, Akitas are not 'nice' dogs. They are to their owners, sort of like big cats, but to strangers it's hit or miss. If the stranger has good intentions, like, and the owner introduces them appropriately then it's fine. Like they still won't let Rocket pet them, but they love Marianna. Alan's a bit afraid of him so they are concerned but they generally don't care he's around. Anyway, if you say, introduce the person by dragging him bodily from the back of a van while he cries, "no take me back to prison I don't want to go places with you," then the dogs are less likely to take kindly to said person especially if he tries to kick one of them. Even without a kick, Akitas tend to judge people on vibes alone and decide if they are worthy of
A) petting the Akita
B) entering the Akita's house
C) getting near the Akita's owner (Philip has apparently not passed that vibe check)
D)  if the person passes none of those checks possibly the person should die.
Yeah, they bit Former Special Agent Courdelion immediately upon sight. Once Courdelion and I stopped being amused by that, we got them off, threw a first aid kit at him, and told the dogs they were good dogs.
So, Former Special Agent Courdelion is currently sitting on the back of a chair in prison clothes, trying to tend massive dog bites to his legs and arms and one on his neck (Akitas tend to go for the neck/face when biting, this makes them sound like dangerous pets and they are, yes they're the dog version of me, Marianna is right but she doesn't need to know that). Meanwhile, the dogs are sitting on the floor very patiently waiting for him to come down so they can finish trying to kill him. The only reason he has so many low bites is Mello has bad legs now and can't jump as good so he did the biting on the legs, while Near just leapt up and bit his neck and was going for the face while I hauled him off.
"What's up dogmeat?" I ask, for personal reasons I'm using a Chicago accent around Former Special Agent Courdelion who has figured out I was definitely on the ship and I definitely am not safe to be out. I mean, he's not wrong.
"RICHARD!!! IT'S TALKING TO ME AND IT'S GOT A BOX!!"
"Shh, yeah good dog Near, maybe you can bite him again later," I say, petting the dog as he comes to investigate me as I sit down on the carpet to get out the legos. Like I said I plan on being distracted for a very long time.
"How's kitchen things going?" Courdelion, coming in with a box as well, probably equally distracted, completely ignoring his brother.
"Oh, I found toys and got distracted, I don't plan on being productive to be honest I've been productive for hours now," I say.
"Oh, reasonable, did you give him any water lately?"
"Yeah I threw a water bottle at his head two hours ago," I say.
"He's fine then," Courdelion says, sitting down on the sofa above me, "Good dogs."
"GOOD DOGS??? Are they not wolves? Is this one of the death children that invaded my boat to have a complicated argument with three other death children?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, but that sounds likely," Courdelion says.
"Jesus, Richard, where do you find these people?" He asks, trying to come off the chair. One of the dog lunges and he crawls back up. "Is that the same kid as the kid who tried to set me on fire at Christmas at mother's house during the last election?"
"I forgot I did that," I laugh.
"JESUS, RICHARD WHERE DO YOU FIND THESE PEOPLE?"
"That was really funny I forgot you did that," Courdelion is laughing as well.
The front door opens, quickly, and Marianna and Rocket pile in.
"What's going on?" I ask, the moment I see their faces.
"We need to talk," Marianna says, glancing at Former Special Agent Courdelion. It's a credit to how much we've put her and Rocket through that they kind of blink and go on when they see Courdelion's younger brother, who looks basically exactly like him by the way so other than different hair cuts they're identical, on the back of an arm chair with many dog bites, clearly has been crying, dressed in prison clothes, being policed by the dogs.
"What happened?" Courdelion asks, standing up at their entrance and reading their troubled expressions.
"Bash is alive, and he says the game isn't over," Marianna says.
"What?" I ask.
"Wait—is that that kid that we thought drown who you argued with then kissed on my boat?" Former Special Agent Courdelion asks.
"You guys can ignore that it's just a project I'm doing for my mother," Courdelion says about his brother, waving his hand dismissively.
"He came and saw you?" I ask.
"I'm letter #8, he said he was going to send all the information he has on me to the cops, but then he tried to persuade me to testify against you. Naturally I said no and he left. He just disappeared I got Rocket rather than confront him alone again and he'd vanished, we searched the whole school," Marianna says, shaking her head.
"Shit, shit," I sigh, rubbing my face, "All right, um, obviously we won't let them catch you."
"You're not going by your birth name I'm going to assume, it might take a week but we can properly get you some ID that will at least slow them down, worst case scenario the police for the first time ever believe him and you have to leave the country," Courdelion says, "I've got an college old friend in New Zealand who'd be more than happy to let you lay low for a bit and help out at a shelter she runs."
"I'm not worried about me I'm worried about them!" Marianna says, about to cry, "What if he comes after Robby or Rocket next? He already pointed a gun at us once he's clearly lost his mind."
"We'll work it out, we have the law on our side—,"
"YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT HAVE THE LAW ON YOUR SIDE YOU INSANE NITWIT—,"
"Do NOT make me get out the gag again, John," Courdelion says, over his shoulder, before going back to us "All of your names are clear right now Bash isn't a credible witness. And now we know to be on our guard."
"I should go get Alan, Bash could use him to get at us," Rocket says.
"Agreed he'll play his next move soon, and it's endgame. Marianna is right he won't be holding back," I say.
"Who's Alan?" Courdelion asks.
"He's our bard I told you about," I say.
"Oh right proceed I'll get the office set up—,"
"IS THIS WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR TIME??? YOU COLLECT AND ADOPT HOMICIDAL CHILDREN?? How many of these do you have?"
"I don't know; they kind of show up—yeah, go ahead and get Alan he can stay downstairs in the study, that way we can at least plan for what Bash's next move will be," Courdelion says.
"I thought I was sleeping in the study?" His brother, pathetically.
"Brother, you are, right there, that's where you're staying," Courdelion says, waving his hands kind of like in a circular motion to illustrate the lack of space, "That's it; that's as good as it gets."
"This is worse than prison."
"That's the idea! I'm so glad!—we did it Robby," Courdelion says to me.
I high five him, "Okay, I'll come ride with you, I can stay in the back of the van we can go collect Alan."
"I don't think you should leave," Marianna says.
"I'm fine," I say, hugging her around the shoulders, "Come on, have something to eat let me get my bow."
"IS THAT THE ONE WITH THE BOW? JESUS, RICHARD, DOESN'T IT KILL PEOPLE?"
"Yes, but I asked him not to kill you, as a favor, to mother."
"I don't do as I'm told," I say, heading up the stairs.
"TAKE ME BACK TO PRISON, RICHARD."
"No, mother said we had to make up and be nice to each other. Also, as a general reminder, she loves me better than you."
"I'll be down in a minute," I say, to Marianna who nods, hugging herself. Bash said more than that; he definitely riled her. Or she's just afraid for me.
I make my way up to the second floor, third room on the left, which we're just setting up for me. I stop the moment I get in the doorway.
The window is open.
And there's water dripped across the floor. All the way to my bed, and then back to the window.
In the middle of the bed sits a crisp white envelope. So I finally got my letter.