3:15 [fezco]

seventeen

S E V E N T E E N - 3 : 1 5

"it's a quarter after three, saying everything we mean."

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Withdrawals were kicking my ass. Fezco hadn't lied when he said it would be brutal. That same night I laid next to Faye who had long since fallen asleep, fighting back my tears as my body crashed from the lack of cocaine in my system. My body hurt and the trauma of the last few days hit hard, coming in brutal, choppy waves that wrecked my mind, leaving me desperately gasping for air. Unsure of what else to do, I found myself sneaking out of the bed I shared and out the door, crossing the hallway to Fez's room. I didn't bother knocking in fear of waking him up and instead crept in on my tippy toes.

His back was facing the door, and as I crept around the bed my eyes raked over his sleeping form. His eyes were shut, and his mouth partly open as small breaths escaped. He looked tense, yet still more relaxed than I had seen him lately. I found myself smiling; his face was truly a sight for sore eyes. A newfound wave of peace washed over me as I stood in his presence. It felt nice to be near him after being apart for so long. Not wanting him to find me, I turned on my heel to leave the room.

"You know, it's kinda creepy to watch people sleep," he called out from behind me as my hand hovered over the doorknob. I cursed myself, squeezing my eyes shut.

"I'm sorry, I'm going back to my room, I promise."

"Nah, you was in here for a reason, Soph." I heard the best rustle as he changed positions. "You okay?"

"Not really," I turned to face him, seeing the silhouette of his body facing me now. Even in the pitch-black room, I could feel his eyes staring intently into mine. "Can't sleep, I think it's withdrawals."

"C'mere," he patted the bed, raising up the cover invitingly. When I hesitated, he let out a breathy laugh. "I ain't gonna bite, you know. I just wanna make sure you good." Against my better judgment, I obliged, crawling under the covers, and turning my back toward him. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really, but I probably need to." He shifted around again.

"Can I—" He cut himself off, pausing for a moment. "Can I hold you?" His voice came out as a whisper, and I shivered at the feeling of his breath on my neck. I thought about it for a moment before nodding.

"You don't have to ask," It took him a second, but eventually his arm snaked out around my waist, pulling me into him. His other arm went under my pillow, his hand just barely peeking out. I stared at it for a moment but eventually reached out, interlocking our fingers tightly together. His face was buried in my neck, and he fell so still I thought he fell asleep.

"What you thinkin' about?"

"Everything," I admitted. "My mom and our fight, how badly I wanna do cocaine, us." He stiffened but eventually relaxed.

"What happened with your moms?"

"I haven't been home since Christmas morning. I was out doing drugs with Rue for days, and I stopped texting her back eventually. When I got home yesterday, she was waiting for me at the table. She went through my room and found all my drugs in my makeup bag. She was going to flush them and take me to rehab and I—I chose the drugs, so she kicked me out." I breathed out. "She told me I wasn't the daughter she raised, and I think she was right. The old Sophia wouldn't be in this position."

"The old Fezco wouldn't have done a lot of things, so I can understand what you thinkin'." He mumbled. "But you still her kid. You may not be the same one she raised but that ain't necessarily a bad thing. You've grown a lot in the last few months I've known you. You strong as hell, grounded—"