LSD

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a short chapter, full of love, 💗💗

"so how did you like it?"
he asks, I smile kissing him lightly.
"I love love loved it, you were amazing to watch Timmy, it was like you had completely changed."
I say.

he smiles, and I can't help but smile, how beautiful he looked in this moment, his hair was a mess of curls everywhere, his pink tips now gone, I hadn't seen him with his full natural hair, and I must say, he looks great.

his hands were veiny, and big, he covered his massive grin in his hands.

I frown, being stolen of my free staring time.
I grab ahold onto his wrists pulling them down, his eyes remain shut, I kiss his lips, his eyes open meeting mine, I smiled into his warm lips, he shut his eyes again, his hand snaking under my shirt gripping at my skin.

"fuck Timmy you're so perfect." I say as he messily makes out with me, his lips basically rubbing against my face, I smile laughing.
I held his hair in my hands.
"come on Bub let's get you home."
he says, I think for a moment stopping him from walking to his car.
"I think I want to loose my virginity to you."
I almost slap a hand over my mouth after the words I had been thinking about for a while now, he stays silent, looking at me, the sky was pink and the air was just right.

The wind picked up he pulled his hand out of his pocket swiping some of my hair from my face.
"you do?"
he asks.
"yes, I trust you, and I love being around you, you make me feel happy and nice, I think I want to."
I say.
"it's not a little thing, your virginity is special, are you-"
I shut him up by placing my lips to his.
"I'm sure."
I say, his eyes rake up my body.
"alright then, not tonight though."
he says, he traces his thumb over my lips.
"Why not?"
I ask opening my mouth and biting his thumb.
"it's your virginity viola, I want to make it special and I hope memorable for you."
he says, the heat rushes to my cheeks almost immediately, I look down hiding it from him, trying to hide the fact his words affect me so much.
"look at me darling."
he almost whispers, I don't keeping my eyes on his feet, his hands cup my cheeks holding my face up.
He stares into my eyes, and I swear that was the moment.

If I could back track, go back in time, hell if I could do any of it, I'd tell you, and I'd tell you with a smile on my face.

this exact moment in time, I can tell you, without lying, this was the moment I fell deeply, stupidity naively in love with the man that was 8 years older then me, he had me wrapped around his fingers, and I couldn't fight it anymore.

it was stupid to fight it, I was so young, so naive, so vulnerable, and he showed me nothing but pure happiness excitement, all these feelings I'd felt numerous times before, but with him it was different.

It all exploded in my mind, when the 3 words left his lips.
"You're beautiful viola."
he says, searching for my eyes, but I couldn't look him in the eye, because I was repeating at the top of my lungs, in my mind. I couldn't look him in the eye, because what if he could read my thoughts, I catch him staring at me and I almost believe he knows what I'm thinking, it's terrifying, because the four words my head was yelling at me on repeat.
"Timothee I love you."

I couldn't say it, my heart sank, we'd only known each other for a week and I was already in love with him.

"and I want to make sure you feel comfortable and happy when it happens."
he says swiping my cheek with his thumb.

standing in the middle of an abandoned car park, the sun was setting, I had a feeling this car park would hold a lot of memories for us.

I finally gather the courage to look him in the eye, and my heart warms, my face lights up, and I smile, I smile so hard it quite literally hurts.
"thank you timothèe."
I say.
"why are you thanking me? Viola I should be thanking you, the past few days, I've felt so happy, so excited to wake up, I feel like I've finally got something, something to take care of, something to show pleasure towards, Because all you do is show pleasure to me, so thank you. And I know, it's hard, I know I'm not the ideal person to go out with, I've lost relationships in the past because of my career path, but I really really care for you viola, you're like no other, and I really want you in my life."
he says, every word that falls from his pretty lips, make my heart flutter even more if it were to be humanly possible.

his hands fall from my face so I place mine on his, holding his cheeks in my hands pulling him closer to me, all I wanted was for him to be closer.

"timothee i-"
I can't do it, I'm a coward.
"I-"
my eyes open and he's staring at me, as if he knows what I'm about to say.
"I'd never leave you."
I say, he almost looks disappointed, but I try to ignore it, instead I place my forehead onto his.
"you are, the sun, you are my sun, my beautiful boy, you are the first thing I think about in the morning when I wake up, and you are the last before I fall asleep, and you continue to haunt me in my dreams, I would never leave you."
I say, he smiles.
"Promise?"
he asks.
I press my lips to his, he places his hand over mine which remains on his cheek.
"I swear to you."
I say kissing him once more.