Chicago (a Friday Night Lights fanfiction)

Thanksgiving

After the call with Julie, everything about Chicago felt wrong for days. All along, part of Matt's mind had been imagining the day when she would be here and he could show her all the things he loved, share his city with her. Even as he was discovering it, he felt like he was rediscovering it already with Julie at his side. And now that would never be.

Except that it had to be, he decided late one night as he sat in his window and looked out over the neighborhood. She would love it here. She needed to see it, to be part of it, even if only a few days at a time. And he needed her. His whole life, no one had ever understood him the way she had, or gotten as close to knowing what was inside him. She was the only one who had ever cared enough to look. He couldn't give that up, not this easily. Not when it was his own fault and he could—he could bring her here, convince her to come for a visit. Apologize. Explain. Show her what it had been like, how much he had needed to leave Texas and how much he had needed to stay with her and how impossible it would have been to do both at once.

That was it. Even as he was making his plans to go home for Thanksgiving, looking forward to seeing his grandma and his mom, he was making plans to bring Julie back with him, so she could see his new home and understand him even better, so he could make her part of this life the way she should be.

He didn't call Julie to tell her he was coming because he was afraid she would tell him not to, or find some way to avoid him. He knew his grandma was planning to spend Thanksgiving at Coach Taylor's house, he figured once he was there, sitting with her, she couldn't run from him, and she would let him explain.

Then she showed up at his grandma's house two days before Thanksgiving, when he hadn't expected her, and they were face to face after ... so long. Unbelievably long. God, she was so pretty.

And it was awkward. She hadn't run, so that was a good thing, but she wasn't smiling, either. She wasn't asking questions, or telling him about herself. She was just ... standing there, on his grandma's doorstep. He had to keep her there, he had to—

"Hey, you want to come to the grocery store with me? She'll need those leeks," he said desperately.

Juiie looked like she wanted to say no, and he was preparing to have her turn and walk away when she sighed. "All right. But we have to be quick."

"Sure. It won't take long."

But he hoped it would take long enough.

On the way through the store, he tried to get her to talk about herself, but she didn't want to say anything, so he moved on to what he wanted to tell her about himself, about his life.

"Hey, let me tell you about Chicago. Okay?"

"Whatever."

It wasn't a no, at least. "Okay. Great. So, um, the area I live in is called, like, Greektown. Just a lot of Greek people." Nothing. No response. What else could he tell her? "Oh, I live above a coffee shop, too. So it always smells like coffee a lot, and when I'm goin' up the stairs to go to my apartment I get, like, a caffeine high."

"You can't get a caffeine high from smelling coffee. It's physically impossible."

"No, it's 'cause I don't drink coffee, so ..."

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

It might not, but she was arguing with him, which was a lot better than when she wasn't talking at all. It was so much better that he couldn't hold back what he was feeling any longer. Dropping a bag of onions in the cart, he put his hand on the edge of it, holding her there while he looked into her eyes.

"Look," he said. "I miss you. A lot."

He could see Julie's lips quiver, like she was fighting back tears. "You know, most people say good-bye to their girlfriends, or tell them where they're going, or ... something."

"I had to get out of here," Matt admitted. "If I'd tried to say good-bye to you, I never would have left."

For a moment, he thought he'd gotten through to her. Then she closed up again, pushing the cart past him. "Well, your apartment sounds real nice."

He stopped her again. "Well ... do you want to see it? 'Cause I kinda already bought you a ticket."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"Without asking me."

"I was afraid if I did, you'd say no."

"I ..."

"Don't say it." He held the cart still, hoping he could hold her there long enough for her to see what she meant to him. "Just ... think about it. Please?"

"Okay. I'll think about it. But I'm not promising anything."

"You don't have to," Matt told her, relieved. "You want me to tell you some more about it?"

"Not right now."

So he let it go, and they finished the shopping.

It didn't help that he got frozen out by Landry, too. Truth be told, Matt had figured Landry had enough on his mind, he wouldn't care if Matt didn't call him. Apparently that had been a big miscalculation on Matt's part, which Landry made sure to let him know.

At Thanksgiving, Matt and Julie ended up at the kids' table with Gracie Belle, around the corner from the rest of the guests. Matt didn't mind that at all. Gracie was kind of cute, and it was like he had Julie all to himself, which was what he wanted.

He didn't mind not being at the other table, either. Mrs. Taylor was mad that Mr. Garraty had brought a deep-fried turkey, all the Rigginses were mad about something they didn't want to talk about, and Coach was stewing over Friday's game. All discussions Matt was just as happy not being a part of.

"Julie. Did you think about what I said the other day?"

"I did. I thought about it. And I'm still mad."

"You are?" But she was smilng, so maybe they were okay.

"A little." She glanced at Gracie and then at the rest of the family. "But maybe we talk about it later, huh? By ourselves?"

"Sure. Yeah, that would be better, wouldn't it?" He looked over at them. "You think we're ever gonna sit at the big kid table?"

"Probably not. But, on the plus side, we have a whole bowl of cranberry sauce."

"Yes. That is a lot of cranberry sauce." He turned the spoon in it, smiling at Gracie. "You think anyone'll notice if I go back for seconds of the deep-fried turkey?"

"My mom will."

"I better not, then, huh?"

Julie shook her head. "I wouldn't. Besides, you should save room for pie. Three kinds."

"Awesome." He smiled at her, meaning so much more than the pie.