Chicago (a Friday Night Lights fanfiction)

Moving

Hours later, after Matt had given up on trying to eat any more, cleaned up the kitchen, and sat down to try to pretend he was studying when what he was really doing was listening for the first sounds of her feet in the hall, Julie came back.

She let herself into the apartment, her eyes downcast. Matt could see the tracks of tears on her face, and all the questions he was going to ask disappeared. He got up and went straight to her, taking her in his arms and holding her close.

He was surprised and relieved when she let him, tucking her face into his shoulder and clinging to him. "You were right," she said at last.

At least, that was what Matt thought she said. Her voice was muffled by his shoulder. "What was that?"

"I said you were right." Julie drew back and looked at him. "I was hiding. I mean, this is a good place to be, and I wish that I belonged here. I wish I lived here. But you're right, I don't. And—and I can't. I couldn't. Not—not and not know who I am. Or what I want, for me." She twisted her face up like she was going to cry. "It's just—I see you, and you're so comfortable, so easy, like you never were in Dillon, and I ... I want to be part of your life. I don't want to lose you because you're moving away from me. I want—I want us both to be moving, to have things in our lives we want to tell each other about. I was so ashamed to tell you what happened at college, and I—I want to be able to tell you things. You know?"

"I know." There were a lot of moments from when he'd first come to Chicago that he hadn't told Julie, or anyone, because he didn't think anyone else would understand. "It's okay. You can talk to me anytime, about anything. You know that, right?"

"I ... I guess." She disentangled herself from his arms. "I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight, and I'll leave tomorrow morning."

"Okay. If that's what you need to do."

"It is. Um ... I'm going to go get my stuff, start packing. Okay?"

"Okay." Matt watched her walk into the bedroom and shut the door softly but firmly behind her, thinking that they were back to how awkward it was when she first got here, and wishing he could fix it, but knowing she was the only one who could really make things better for herself. Anything he did would only be a band-aid, and she needed more than that.

In the morning, he walked her down to her car, carrying her suitcases, helping her load them into the back. "All right. So ..." He tried to think of what she would need to get safely on the road. "You charged your cell phone?"

"Yeah."

"If you need gas, there's a gas station just right around the corner over there." He waved vaguely.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just kind of want to get out before there's too much traffic."

"Right." Matt nodded. It made sense ... if only it didn't feel so much like she was still running, but this time, away from him.

"So, uh ... thanks for the hospitality." She reached out and hugged him, but one-armed, and with her face turned away from him. Matt patted her back lightly, feeling a chill inside him that had nothing to do with the fall weather in Chicago.

"Yeah," he said, wishing there was anything he could say that would make this better. He stepped aside and watched her get into the car and back it out of the space. She didn't look at him as she shifted into drive and headed down the alley, and Matt knew suddenly that if this was the way she left, if this was the way things were between them, he would never see her again.

He couldn't let that happen. Whatever they were to each other, whatever they became to each other, he never wanted to lose touch with Julie Taylor. He wanted her in his life.

Running after her car, he called her name again and again. As she slowed for the intersection, he slapped his hand against the side of her car. "Julie! Hey!" She looked up at him through her open window. Breathlessly, he said, "Stop." He opened her door, reaching for her, and she stepped out, a question in her eyes.

Matt hoped he had the answer to at least that question. He took her face in his hands and held her close to him, whispering in her ear, "It's all gonna be okay, all right? We'll figure this out."

She nodded against his shoulder, and this time when she hugged him, all of her was there, holding him, the way it should be. Matt held her close, treasuring this moment, wanting to give her some of his strength, some of the certainty and self-confidence he had learned in Chicago, wanting to remember just what it felt like to hold her.

A car horn disturbed the moment, and they looked up to see a newspaper truck there behind her car in the alley, waiting impatiently for her to move.

Matt gave her one last look, and she whispered to him, "I love you."

"I love you," he said in return, hoping she knew he really did, hoping she would take that with her and let it help hold her up when she needed it.

And with one last kiss he let her go, standing there and watching as she turned out of the alley and was gone.